My World

My second pregnancy..

2011-04-04T13:27:00.002+08:00

Salam..

Dah lama sungguh tak menulis.. tahun ni baru first entry ni.. Dah bulan 4.. Hmmm.. How time flies.. Teringin nak menulis especially bila tengok kawan2 update blog.. Jeles jugak tapi masa langsung tak mengizinkan.. Sebenarnya banyak kerja nak settle ni.. but kepala dah jem ni.. ntah kenapa.. patut masa tengah tak banyak kelas ni la ambil peluang nak settle kerja banyak-banyak tapi nak buat macam mana.. kepala tak leh jalan..

antara reason yang dah lama menyepi sebab dok mabuk.. mabuk free.. hahahah bukan senang nak dapat.. hanya insan terpilih yang dapat mabuk free ni.. hahahahha.. Sebenarnya tak sangka pun pregnant.. Masalah jantung tak berapa stabil lagi tapi dah rezeki kan?? Anyway umur pun dah banyak ni.. tak boleh tunggu lama2.. yang kali ni pregnant pun dah terasa 'bahang'nya nak banding masa mengandung yang pertama dulu..

Mula-mula tak tahu yang dah pregnant.. Ye la.. period pun tak regular sebab masih fully breastfeed Rania.. Tapi terasa lain bila dok emo semacam.. Sikit-sikit nak nangis.. sikit-sikit nak nangis.. Menda kecik pun nangis.. Pelik jugak la.. Tak pernah macam ni.. Tapi tak leh control.. senang je airmata nak meleleh.. So satu pagi buat la pregnancy test.. hmmm.. two blue lines.. kejut abang.. bagitau pregnant.. dia masa tuh still mengantuk baru balik kerja.. blur je masa tuh.. hahahhahahaha..

Masa tau tuh baru 5 weeks.. tapi macam biasa we keep it quiet first.. Macam masa dapat Rania.. Takut jinx.. Ye la.. masa yang first pregnancy awal-awal dah bagitau orang (orang cina kata tak baik).. sekali takde rezeki.. Masuk je 6 minggu the morning sickness kicks in.. Kali ni seksa sebab at the same time kena jaga Rania yang dah makin lasak and nakal.. Yang bestnya every time balik rumah Mummy, mummy pelik kenapa lembik sangat.. every time dia bagi sepiring vitamins (konon-kononnya for the tiredness.. langsung tak pandang kat vitamin tuh..) mana taknya.. tekak rasa kembang semacam tengok semua tuh.. Bila nak muntah senyap2 je muntah dalam toilet.. bila bau busuk.. terus lari masuk bilik.. Last2 bagitau jugak kat mummy.. tak nak dia pelik lagi..

So journey muntah2 ni berterusan sampai minggu 14-15.. kali ni muntah makin teruk.. tak macam masa Rania.. badan sangat2 la tak larat.. kerja rumah memang out masa tuh.. biasa pantang tengok rumah sepah.. ni buat tak nampak je.. bangun pagi punya seksa.. macam kena heret je pergi sekolah.. muntah masa drive perkara biasa.. makan semua makan kat kedai.. langsung tak lalu masuk dapur..

sekarang ni muntah dah kurang dah.. muka pun tak macam zombie dah.. (ye la.. masa awal2 tu muka macam tak berdarah je pi sekolah..) Alhamdulillah.. Rasa lega sangat.. Hopefully lepas ni makin baik.. Cuma nanti dah nak hujung-hujung tuh biasa la.. penyakit lama akan datang balik.. ok la.. nak balik rumah dah.. nak cari menda nak makan.. tak tahan ngan makanan kantin.. bbblllluuuuuwwwwweeeeekkkkk... sangat tak sedap..

Therapeutic..

2010-11-28T00:07:00.002+08:00

I had finished reading these 2 books in a week and a half.. Quite an achievement for me.. hahahah.. Last time I could finish reading a book in a day.. Really enjoyed myself..

So many things.. So little time...

2010-11-26T21:24:00.003+08:00

Salam..

The tv is on.. But not watching it.. Something that had been my habit lately.. Switching it on just the sake of not wanting the house being quiet especially when my little princess is asleep.. I am so lucky to have her around.. At least I have someone with me while my life buddy goes to work every night.. Yupp.. My life buddy only works at night.. He will answer he is a "kupu-kupu malam" if anyone asking him.. Working in the music industry, especially with a boss who only works at night as the night brings the best of him so I could do nothing..

Today I had an experience of my life time.. Taking care of 6 kids - 11 years old, 7 years old, 5 years old, 3 years old and 2 one year old babies was a blast.. There are times I could feel my heart beating so fast I could fall any time.. There were times I shut down from hearing all the screaming and crying for the sake of my heart.. Luckily angah came back just on time.. We took the kids to KLCC later today and we had quiet a enjoying time even though it was damn tiring.. The part I enjoyed most was spending time at Kinokuniya..

I love book stores.. Even when I was much younger.. Abah and Mak will swap toys with books.. I am now teaching Rania the same.. Every time I had the chance to visit a book store I will take her too.. Giving her books to hold on (sometimes not even buying it) so she will enjoy the smell of new books (like i do.. hahahahah).. Today I left Rania walking through the isle at Kinokuniya.. Picking up any books of her likings (and again not buying it) but I do buy 2 special books for my life buddy though.. Adding up his books collections..

Actually I had missed few things that I use to love doing.. Reading for example.. Since my sis had pointed out that I might suffering pre-depression so I had looked out for depression signs.. One of the signs are "Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure." Yupp.. I had loss interest in few things that I use to love before.. At first I thought it was because of Rania.. Because of my work load.. But I do think that my loss of interest is also due to depression.. So I am trying to beat it.. I had finished a paperback few days ago.. I frankly could not remember when I last read (and surely finish) reading one.. So I am trying my best doing things I love.. And surely one of it updating this blog.. Well.. So many things to do.. so little time.. But I can do it.. InsyaAllah..

Tachycardia

2010-11-12T21:08:00.002+08:00

This is what I am having now. Getting much better but serious observation must be done for the rest of my life. From our wiki..

Tachycardia comes from the Greek words tachys (rapid or accelerated) and kardia (of the heart). Tachycardia typically refers to a heart rate that exceeds the normal range for a resting heartrate (heartrate in an inactive or sleeping individual). It can be very dangerous depending on how hard the heart is working and the activity.

The upper threshold of a normal human heart rate is usually based upon age:^[1]

1–2 days: >159 beats per minute (bpm)
3–6 days: >166 bpm
1–3 weeks: >182 bpm
1–2 months: >179 bpm
3–5 months: >186 bpm
6–11 months: >169 bpm
1–2 years: >151 bpm
3–4 years: >137 bpm
5–7 years: >133 bpm
8–11 years: >130 bpm
12–15 years: >119 bpm
>15 years – adult: >100 bpm

When the heart beats rapidly, the heart pumps less efficiently and provides less blood flow to the rest of the body, including the heart itself. The increased heart rate also leads to increased work and oxygen demand for the heart (myocardium), which can lead to rate related Ischemia thus perhaps causing a heart attack (myocardial infarction) if it persists. This occurs because the decreased flow of necessary oxygen to the heart causes myocardial cells to begin to die off. Acutely, this leads to angina; and chronically to ischemic heart disease.^[2]

[edit]Differential diagnosis

12 lead electrocardiogram showing a run of ventricular tachycardia (VT)

An electrocardiogram (ECG) can help distinguish between the various types of tachycardias, generally distinguished by their site of pacemaker origin:

Sinus tachycardia, which originates from the sino-atrial (SA) node, near the base of the superior vena cava.
Ventricular tachycardia, any tachycardia which originates in the ventricles.
Supraventricular tachycardia (SVT), which is a tachycardia paced from the atria or the AV node. SVT rhythms include:
- Atrial fibrillation
- AV nodal reentrant tachycardia (AVNRT)
- AV reentrant tachycardia (AVRT)
- Junctional tachycardia

Tachycardias may be classified as either narrow complex tachycardias (supraventricular tachycardias) or wide complex tachycardias. "Narrow" and "wide" refer to the width of the QRS complex on the ECG. Narrow complex tachycardias tend to originate in the atria, while wide complex tachycardias tend to originate in the ventricles. Tachycardias can be further classified as either regular or irregular.

[edit]Sinus tachycardia

Main article: Sinus tachycardia

[edit]Ventricular tachycardia

Main article: Ventricular tachycardia

Ventricular tachycardia (VT or V-tach) is a potentially life-threatening cardiac arrhythmia that originates in the ventricles. It is usually a regular, wide complex tachycardia with a rate between 120 and 250 beats per minute. Ventricular tachycardia has the potential of degrading to the more serious ventricular fibrillation. Ventricular tachycardia is a common, and often lethal, complication of a myocardial infarction (heart attack).

Exercise-induced ventricular tachycardia is a phenomenon related to sudden deaths, especially in patients with severe heart disease (ischemia, acquired valvular heartand congenital heart disease) accompanied with left ventricular dysfunction.^[3] A case of a death from exercise-induced VT was the death on a basketball court of Hank Gathers, the Loyola Marymount basketball star, in March 1990.^[4]

Both of these rhythms normally last for only a few seconds to minutes (paroxysmal tachycardia), but if VT persists it is extremely dangerous, often leading to ventricular fibrillation.

[edit]Supraventricular tachycardia

This is a type tachycardia that originates from above the ventricles, such as the atria. It is sometimes known as paroxysmal atrial tachycardia (PAT). Several types of supraventricular tachycardia are known to exist.

Main article: Supraventricular tachycardia

[edit]Atrial fibrillation

Atrial fibrillation is one of the most common cardiac arrhythmias. It is generally an irregular, narrow complex rhythm. However, it may show wide QRS complexes on the ECG if a bundle branch block is present. At high rates, the QRS complex may also become wide due to the Ashman phenomenon. It may be difficult to determine the rhythm's regularity when the rate exceeds 150 beats per minute. Depending on the patient's health and other variables such as medications taken for rate control, atrial fibrillation may cause heart rates that span from 50 to 250 beats per minute (or even higher if an accessory pathway is present). However, new onset atrial fibrillation tends to present with rates between 100 and 150 beats per minute.

[edit]AV nodal reentrant tachycardia (AVNRT)

AV nodal reentrant tachycardia is the most common reentrant tachycardia. It is a regular narrow complex tachycardia that usually responds well to the Valsalva maneuver or the drug adenosine. However, unstable patients sometimes require synchronized cardioversion. Definitive care may include catheter ablation.

[edit]AV reentrant tachycardia

AV reentrant tachycardia (AVRT) requires an accessory pathway for its maintenance. AVRT may involve orthodromic conduction (where the impulse travels down the AV node to the ventricles and back up to the atria through the accessory pathway) or antidromic conduction (which the impulse travels down the accessory pathway and back up to the atria through the AV node). Orthodromic conduction usually results in a narrow complex tachycardia, and antidromic conduction usually results in a wide complex tachycardia that often mimics ventricular tachycardia. Most antiarrhythmics are contraindicated in the emergency treatment of AVRT, because they may paradoxically increase conduction across the accessory pathway.

[edit]Junctional tachycardia

Junctional tachycardia is an automatic tachycardia originating in the AV junction. It tends to be a regular, narrow complex tachycardia and may be a sign of digitalis toxicity.

[edit]Hemodynamic responses

The body has several feedback mechanisms to maintain adequate blood flow and blood pressure. If blood pressure decreases, the heart beats faster in an attempt to raise it. This is called reflex tachycardia. This can happen in response to a decrease in blood volume (through dehydration or bleeding), or an unexpected change in blood flow. The most common cause of the latter is orthostatic hypotension (also called postural hypotension). Fever, hyperventilation and severe infections can also cause tachycardia, primarily due to increase in metabolic demands.

[edit]Autonomic and endocrine

An increase in sympathetic nervous system stimulation causes the heart rate to increase, both by the direct action of sympathetic nerve fibers on the heart and by causing the endocrine system to release hormones such as epinephrine (adrenaline), which have a similar effect. Increased sympathetic stimulation is usually due to physical or psychological stress. This is the basis for the so-called "Fight or Flight" response, but such stimulation can also be induced by stimulants such as ephedrine, amphetaminesor cocaine. Certain endocrine disorders such as pheochromocytoma can also cause epinephrine release and can result in tachycardia independent nervous system stimulation. Hyperthyroidism can also cause tachycardia.^[5]

[edit]Management

The management of tachycardia depends on the underlying cause.

If it is due to an underlying cardiac conduction abnormality chemical conversion (with antiarrhythmics), electrical conversion (giving external shocks to convert the heart to a normal rhythm) or use of drugs to simply control heart rate may be used.

If the tachycardia originates from the sinus node (sinus tachycardia), treatment of the underlying cause of sinus tachycardia is usually sufficient. On the other hand, if the tachycardia is of a potentially lethal origin (i.e.: ventricular tachycardia) treatment with anti arrhythmic agents or with electrical cardioversion may be required. Below is a brief discussion of some of the main tachyarrhythmias and their treatments.

The electrocardiac management of atrial fibrillation and atrial flutter is either through medications or electrical cardioversion. Pharmacologic management of these arrhythmias typically involves diltiazem or verapamil as well as beta-blocking agents such as atenolol. The decision to use electrical cardioversion depends heavily on the hemodynamic stability of the presenting patient; in general those patients who are unable to sustain their systemic functions are electrically converted although conversion to a normal sinus rhythm can be performed with amiodarone. An interesting type of atrial fibrillation which must be carefully managed is when it appears in combination withWolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. In this case, calcium channel blockers, beta-blockers and digoxin must be avoided to prevent precipitation of ventricular tachycardia. Here,procainamide or quinidine are often used. Of note: patients who have been in atrial fibrillation for more than 48 hours should not be converted to normal sinus rhythm unless they have been anti-coagulated to an INR of 2-3 for at least 4 weeks. This is to help prevent blood clots embolizing from the heart chambers to the rest of the body where they can cause adverse events like a stroke.

In the case of narrow complex tachycardias (junctional, atrial or paroxysmal), the treatment in general is to first give the patient adenosine (to slow conduction through the AV node) and then perform Valsalva maneuvers to slow the rhythm. If this does not convert the patient, amiodarone, calcium channel blockers or beta-blockers are commonly employed to stabilize the patient. Again as in atrial fibrillation, if a patient is unstable, the decision to electrically cardiovert him/her should be made.

With wide complex tachyarrhythmias or ventricular tachyarrhythmias, in general most are highly unstable and cause the patient significant distress and would be electrically converted. However one notable exception is monomorphic ventricular tachycardia which patients may tolerate but can be treated pharmacologically with amiodarone orlidocaine.

Above all, the treatment modality is tailored to the individual, and varies based on the mechanism of the tachycardia (where it is originating from within the heart), on the duration of the tachycardia, how well the individual is tolerating the fast heart rate, the likelihood of recurrence once the rhythm is terminated, and any co-morbid conditionsthe individual is suffering from.

Kecewa..

2010-11-07T21:58:00.001+08:00

Dalam hidup ini seringkali kita kecewa. Bermacam jenis kecewa yang pernah kita lalui. Kecewa dalam percintaan, kecewa dalam kehidupan, kecewa segala macam jenis kecewa. Malam ini saya kecewa. Kecewa dengan persekitaran yang menyesakkan.

Sudah hampir dua tahun saya mengajar di sekolah itu. Tahun lepas saya betul-betul kurang sihat. 9 bulan mengandungkan Rania bukan perkara yang senang. Mungkin ada yang mengandung tiada masalah. Tapi saya tidak, boleh dikatakan setiap hari saya akan muntah. Lembik. Lesu. Sudah tentu saya tidak dapat mempamerkan prestasi sebenar saya. Dalam hati ini membuak-buak perasaan kurang senang. Saya tahu saya boleh beri lebih lagi tapi badan saya tidak mampu melakukannya. Kalaulah mereka boleh tahu (atau mahu ambil tahu) bagaimana prestasi saya semasa di sekolah lama, sudah tentu mereka akan faham. Tapi mereka tidak mahu faham (ada yang mengatakan mereka faham - tapi saya ragu)

Dalam masa seminggu ini saya kurang sihat lagi. Digagahi jua badan ini melakukan yang termampu. Dipaksa diri ini menyiapkan apa yang diminta walaupun hanya diri ini tahu betapa peritnya setiap saat yang berlalu. Semuanya kerana tugas. Semuanya dengan niat mahu halalkan setiap sen rezeki yang diterima setiap bulan untuk membesarkan anak. Dan yang penting semuanya Lillahitaala. Berapa kali dirasakan badan ini mahu tumbang. Berapa kali dirasakan kepala ini terlalu berat untuk berbuat apa-apa. Tapi masih digagahi juga.

Malam semalam akhirnya saya tumbang juga. Dalam kepenatan yang mencengkam, dalam kesakitan yang amat sangat, saya terjatuh dalam longkang. Untuk lindungi Rania, badan ini yang sakit-sakit. Kaki ini yang terseliuh. Kaki ini berdarah. Ditahan kesakitan yang amat sangat sepanjang 15 minit perjalanan. Mengalir juga air mata menahan kesakitan.

Pagi ini kepala makin berpusing. Hati ini memberontak ini ke sekolah menjalankan tugas. Kesian rakan sekumpulan sekiranya saya tidak hadir. Namun saya betul-betul tidak mampu. Kaki sudah semakin berkurangan sakitnya jadi saya ke klinik. Bercerita kepada tuan doktor masalah saya. Diambilnya tekanan darah dan kadar denyutan jantung. Terasa ada sesuatu yang tidak kena kerana doktor mengambil masa yang lama mencari kadar denyutan jantung. Muka tuan doktor semakin berkerut. Akhirnya dikhabarkan satu berita yang kurang baik. Kadar denyutan jantung saya terlalu laju. Tidak sekata dan ada disesetengah tempat kurang kedengaran. Aduh. Terus ditulis surat rujukan, diminta ke hospital segera. Tapi rasanya tidak mampu terus ke hospital. Siapa yang akan menemani Rania. Makan minumnya. Banyak yang perlu diuruskan.

Dalam menahan kesakitan ini, hati ini terluka. Bukan diminta jadi begini. Bukan dipinta untuk rasa begini. Semuanya ketentuanNya. Namun ada yang meragui, ada yang mempersoalkan, ada yang memperkatakan. Aduhai hati.. kuatlah hati.. tabahlah hati. Mereka tak mampu mengerti. Semoga mereka diberi petunjuk. Tapi hati ini tetap KECEWA.

Rania - 10 months...

2010-09-13T16:44:00.002+08:00

It has been ages since I last wrote something here. Even the last post was taken from somewhere else and I pasted it here. I am at Cameron Highlands now. Using my Hari Raya Holidays as a get away before starting my hectic life again. Everyone is sleeping, tired of our morning trip just now and later they will wake up feeling hungry again. Yupp this cold weather make us wanna eat every other hour..

Rania is also asleep. Had just breastfed her hoping that she will sleep longer before we start another round of excursion later. At 10 months (well.. give and take 2,3 days) I am very proud that I breastfeed her 100%. She won't take any formula and alhamdulillah her growth is normal so I don't have to worry. Looking at her sleeping, there's a part of me saying that she is the reason I lost my passion. Yup.. Lost my passion in so many things. A good example is this blog, since I was carrying her, I lost my interest on writing. Not only that, I lost my interest in reading (I have few paperbacks that I have not touched since I bought it), lost my interest in photography (even abang also), and the list will go on and on. Why? Well I do admit she took most of my time. By the time she's asleep I will be damn tired to do anything. Is this normal or not?

Being a first time mother at 33, I admitted that I had to make a lot of adjustment in life. For example, holidays like this will be filled of lots activities, taking pictures, hiking, exploring etc. Or at least reading a book and enjoying the weather. It is not I am not enjoying my holidays but I like using my time for my lil princess. Every second of it. I am not complaining I am just so much in love with her. I don't even care how much I miss the fun before having her.

Dosa sebarkan fitnah

2010-03-26T11:00:00.000+08:00

HATI adalah organ paling utama dalam tubuh manusia dan nikmat paling agung diberikan Allah sebagai titik untuk menilai keikhlasan. Di hati lahirnya niat yang menjadi penentu sesuatu amalan diterima sebagai pahala atau sebaliknya.

Hati perlu dijaga dan dipelihara dengan baik supaya tidak rosak, sakit, buta, keras dan tidak mati bagi mengelak penyakit masyarakat yang berpunca daripada hati.

Kerosakan pada hati membawa kepada kerosakan seluruh nilai hidup pada diri seseorang individu. Penyakit hati yang menyerang kebanyakan kita ialah penyakit fitnah, sama ada menjadi penyebar atau mudah mempercayai fitnah.

Perbuatan fitnah adalah sebahagian perbuatan mengadu-domba yang mudah menyebabkan permusuhan dua pihak yang dikaitkan dengan fitnah berkenaan.

Masyarakat yang dipenuhi budaya fitnah akan hidup dalam keadaan gawat. Sebelah pihak sibuk menyebarkan fitnah dan sebelah pihak lagi terpaksa berusaha menangkis fitnah itu.

Natijah akibat perbuatan itu boleh mencetus persengketaan dan mungkin berakhir dengan tragedi kerugian harta benda dan nyawa. Individu yang suka menyebar fitnah sentiasa mencari kejadian atau berita boleh dijadikan bahan fitnah.

Dengan sedikit maklumat, berita itu terus disebarkan melalui pelbagai saluran yang merebak dengan mudah. Berita sensasi, terutama berkaitan individu ternama dan selebriti mudah mendapat perhatian khalayak.

Justeru, Allah memberi peringatan mengenai bahaya fitnah. Firman-Nya yang bermaksud: â€œDan fitnah itu lebih besar bahayanya daripada pembunuhannya.â€ (Surah al-Baqarah, ayat 191)

Apabila fitnah tersebar secara berleluasa, ia bermakna nilai agama sudah musnah dalam diri seseorang atau masyarakat. Islam bertegas tidak membenarkan sebarang bentuk fitnah biarpun untuk tujuan apa sekalipun.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda bermaksud: â€œAkan muncul suatu ketika di mana ilmu Islam dihapuskan, muncul pelbagai fitnah, berleluasa sifat kedekut dan banyak berlaku jenayah.â€ (Hadis riwayat Muslim)

Penyebaran fitnah mudah berlaku dalam era teknologi komunikasi moden sekarang. Kemudahan khidmat pesanan ringkas (SMS), laman web dan emel membolehkan penyebaran maklumat tanpa memerlukan bertemu secara berdepan, lebih mudah, cepat, meluas dan murah.

Teknologi yang sepatutnya digunakan untuk kebaikan disalahgunakan untuk menyebarkan fitnah. Penyebaran fitnah melalui SMS yang berleluasa memaksa kerajaan menetapkan peraturan semua pemilik kad prabayar didaftarkan.

Islam mempunyai kaedah lebih ketat bagi memastikan kebenaran sesuatu berita supaya tidak terperangkap dengan berita berunsur fitnah. Wajib bagi Muslim menghalusi setiap berita diterima supaya tidak terbabit dalam kancah berita berunsur fitnah.

Sebarang berita diterima perlu dipastikan kesahihannya. Kebijaksanaan dan kewarasan fikiran amat penting digunakan bagi memastikan tidak terpedaya dengan berita berunsur fitnah.

Firman Allah bermaksud: â€œWahai orang yang beriman, jika datang kepada kamu seorang fasik membawa sesuatu berita, maka selidik (untuk menentukan) kebenarannya, supaya kamu tidak menimpakan sesuatu kaum dengan perkara tidak diingini, dengan sebab kejahilan kamu (mengenainya) sehingga menyebabkan kamu menyesali perkara yang kamu lakukan.â€ (Surah al-Hujurat, ayat 6)

Banyak pihak yang turut terbabit menyebar fitnah sebenarnya tidak mempunyai sebarang kepentingan berkaitannya. Tetapi, disebabkan amalan menyebar fitnah sudah menjadi kebiasaan, banyak yang turut menyertainya dan seperti mendapat kepuasan daripada perbuatan itu.

Fitnah biasanya disebarkan bertujuan memburukkan individu atau kumpulan. Pada masa sama, perbuatan itu dapat menonjolkan dirinya sebagai lebih baik dan lebih layak berbanding orang yang diburukkan itu.

Dosa membuat fitnah digolongkan sebagai dosa sesama manusia. Justeru, dosa itu tidak akan diampunkan Allah, melainkan orang yang difitnah itu memberi keampunan terhadap perbuatan itu.

Mungkin ramai menyangka perbuatan menyebarkan berita fitnah sekadar satu kesalahan kecil. Sebab itu, perbuatan seumpamanya dilakukan seperti tiada apa merugikan.

Hakikatnya, dosa membuat fitnah menjauhkan diri dari syurga. Sabda Rasulullah SAW bermaksud: â€œTidak masuk syurga orang yang suka menyebarkan fitnah.â€ (Hadis riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Dosa menyebar fitnah umpama api membakar ranting kering kerana ia cepat merebak dan akan menjadi abu sepenuhnya. Dosa menyebar fitnah menyebabkan pahala terdahulu dihilangkan sehinggakan penyebar fitnah akan menjadi muflis di akhirat nanti.

Penyebar khabar angin biasanya menyebut perkataan â€˜dengar khabarâ€™ mengenai berita yang disebarkan. Bagaimanapun, apabila berita tersebar daripada seorang ke seorang, maklumat yang belum sahih itu sudah hilang dan kemudian disebarkan seperti berita benar.

Dalam Islam, sesuatu berita benar tetap tidak boleh disebarkan jika orang yang berkaitan cerita itu tidak mahu ia disebarkan kepada orang lain. Menyebarkan berita benar tetap dilarang, inikan pula menyebarkan berita tidak benar.

Imam Ghazali dalam buku Ihya Ulumuddin menjelaskan perbuatan membocorkan rahsia orang lain dan menjejaskan kehormatannya dengan cara membuka rahsianya yang tidak mahu diketahui orang lain dianggap sebagai perbuatan mengadu-domba dan fitnah.

Mengenai berita benar dan berita tidak benar yang disebarkan tanpa kebenaran atau kerelaan orang berkaitan, Rasulullah SAW bersabda bermaksud: â€œAdakah kamu semua mengetahui apakah ghibah (mengumpat)? Sahabat menjawab: Allah dan Rasul-Nya lebih mengetahui. Lalu Baginda meneruskan sabdanya: Kamu berkata mengenai saudara kamu perkara yang tidak disenanginya. Lalu ditanya oleh seorang sahabat: Walaupun saya berkata perkara yang benar-benar berlaku pada dirinya?â€™ Rasulullah bersabda lanjut: â€œJika kamu berkata mengenai perkara yang benar-benar berlaku pada dirinya bererti kamu mengumpatnya, jika perkara yang tidak berlaku pada dirinya bererti kamu memfitnahnya.â€ (Hadis riwayat Abu Hurairah)

Larangan mencari dan membocorkan rahsia orang lain jelas dilarang Allah seperti dijelaskan dalam firman-Nya bermaksud: â€œDan janganlah kamu mengintip atau mencari-cari kesalahan dan keaiban orang lain.â€ (Surah al-Hujurat, ayat 12)

Justeru, setiap Muslim perlu bijak menilai sesuatu berita bagi mengelak daripada menerima dan kemudian menyebarkan sesuatu berita berunsur fitnah.

Perkara pertama perlu diberi perhatian untuk memastikan kesahihan berita ialah memastikan sumber berita itu, yakni siapakah yang mula menyebarkan berita dan rantaian orang yang membawa berita itu.

Umat Islam tentu tidak lupa pada sejarah menyebabkan kematian khalifah ketiga kerajaan Islam di Madinah iaitu Uthman Affan, yang berpunca daripada fitnah disebarkan kumpulan ekstremis agama.

Penyebaran fitnah turut menjadi penyebab kepada peperangan sesama Islam atau perang saudara ketika zaman pemerintahan Saidina Ali dan zaman selepas itu.

Fitnah juga meruntuhkan kekuatan Bani Umaiyah malah, sejarah kejatuhan empayar besar kerajaan Melayu Melaka tidak terkecuali kerana fitnah. Ubat bagi penyakit hati ialah dengan memperbanyakkan taubat dan selalu berzikir.

My little one..

2009-09-29T19:06:00.003+08:00

My last post in this blog was written when I was on medical leave due to my d&c. My life buddy persuaded me to write about our bali trip just to make me not to think about our lost. The bali trip story is still not finished until now.

Few months back my life buddy asked me.. 'kenapa dah lama tak update blog? dulu macam-macam cerita you tulis.. sekarang kenapa tak tulis dah?' and I answered.. 'sebab sekarang i cerita kat you..' and he smiled.. Yupp it's true that most stories that I should have written in this blog I had shared with him especially on our early morning talks. My daily schedule is totally different with his. I wake up early every morning to go to school while he is still sleeping. When I come back from school he will be away to work, either at mummy's place or any other studios he will not be home until very late at night. So every time I had the chance to spend with him, I will not spare every second. On weekends or public holidays when I am not on duty (my warden duty) we will spend the morning to keep up with each other.

After full recovery from my d&c I had spent most of my time doing my school work. Working over my grief. It helps a lot. Without knowing when or how, I started not feeling good, feeling tired all the time and so on. It was when I went to Ipoh for a course I could feel that I am pregnant again. And a test on a blue stick proves it. Worried that the same thing will happen again, I had my first check up when I was 6 weeks pregnant. At that time my life buddy did not want to tell anyone about the good news because he was afraid that the same thing will happen. I still remembered it clearly 'tunggu sampai ada heart beat baru cakap kat orang' he reminded me over and over again. And this pregnancy is not a smooth one too. Been on bed rest for 3 different occasions, still vomiting until now and many more. This week is my 32nd week of pregnancy and after going through so many things (and still is) I am glad I made it. Thanks to my life buddy, my family and close friends for the support.

Few moms might have a smooth sail on their pregnancy and some might not. Mine was not so smooth but I cherished every second of it. Feeling the baby moves in my tummy is just a miracle, especially now when he/she is getting bigger and stronger. My life buddy decided not wanting to know the gender of the baby. He wants it as a surprise but I am the one having problem doing the shopping. Hehehehehhe.. all universal colours. What to do..

As I thought I was going to end this beautiful period I was to make another decission for the both of us. As most of the mums to be would like a normal birth, I would like one too.. But due to some medical condition I was asked to do a c-sect. For my precious little one.. I will do anything for you sayang... To be continued.. Need to go for my warden duty.. Might be the last duty before I am off for my cuti bersalin...

My Bali Trip - Part 3

2009-02-09T20:53:00.015+08:00

It was the last day we stayed at Ayu Beach Inn. I had planned for the next stay at Ubud. We had our breakfast at the cafe and hubby took few pictures of the Inn. It was a nice place to stay, clean, quite cheap and very near to the beach. I heard few tourists stayed for weeks or months there. Here are few pictures of the Inn.

Ayu Beach Inn : From the inside of the room, the pool at the cafe and from outside of our room

The pool in front and the Inn's compund... My crocodile hunter posing before we leave Kuta

For the day, we had actually made a mistake. The driver of the Inn offered to send us to Ubud and stopped at few attractive places for IDR300,000. He promised that he will wait until we found a place to stay at Ubud. We took the offer where later we realised it should be cheaper. To any travellers to Bali, there are many travel agent offering services like this. So ask around and take the best offer. So back to the journey, we stopped at 3 places, the first one at the batik village, could not remember the village's name. The batik's are sold in USD, very expensive. The next stop was kampung celuk, famous for its silver. We stopped at one of the shops, if you wanna buy something, please bargain. They also had a very wide selection of old keris. The last stop was Batu Bulan, the village which is famous for its stone carving. The carving was a bit spooky for me.

The scenery taken from the van, at the batik factory and kampung celuk.

Keris at kampung celuk and stone carving at Batu Bulan

Just before noon we arrived at Ubud, a small town in the middle of Bali. A very quiet place and tourist just love to be there to rest. We stopped at few nice hotels where the price was quite good but we just want something very simple and cheaper. I read about Sania's house a try to look out for it. It is situated at a very small alley but the place is very beautiful. Again we paid IDR150,000 per night to stay there. We paid for 2 nights. Our room had a queen bed and a single bed. The toilet was with hot water as Ubud could be very cold at times. The staffs are very friendly especially Wayan. Tea will be serve in a flask at your room. We took our nap as soon as we checked in.

Inside of the room and the tea.

We took a walk that afternoon while hunting for halal food. We found a small restaurant nearby and ate. After that we went to Pasar Ubud. Lots of souvenir could be found here and people claims that it was the best place to shop for souvenirs but we found out we could find souvenirs somewhere else. We took a dip at the pool that evening and the water was cold!! We had fun relaxing in the pool. Ubud is a town that sleeps quite early. Nothing much to do at night except few traditional dance show. We ate instant noodle that night as halal restaurant is quite far.

Streets of Ubud

Our lunch that day!!

Kids parading on promoting a new restaurant and Pasar Ubud

the night walk... The theater for traditional dances (IDR80,000) and the makciks...

My Bali Trip - Part 2

2009-02-09T10:38:00.018+08:00

On the second day I had planned for few destination. We had breakfast at the Inn, yup the RM45 (IDR150,000) per night is inclusive with breakfast. I had finally had a good look at the surrounding of the Inn. Quite beautiful but the best was it was clean. Bali architecture could be seen around us. The breakfast wasn't much. It was banana pancake day. We had free flow of coffee and tea also tropical fruits. There were an old couple having breakfast with us.

The breakfast at the Inn.. The Morning beach walk and my walking companion..

We decided to take a walk first before rent up a bike for our tour for the day. We went to Kuta beach to shoot few photos. The day just had began, surfers started their day freshening up playing with the waves. Few beginner surfer learning from the surf school you can found all stretch of Kuta beach. It was enjoying and the view was great. It rains a bit following the wind.

At the expensive hotel at Nusa Dua and our lunch..

We continued our morning walk along the beach and had been approached by some local selling stuff and offering something like "gores dan menang".. yupp... you will find lots people along Kuta beach doing this. At first we resisted but at last we accepted a guy offer. Then the story begins... we picked up two cards, one of it was for free t-shirt and the other one was with a bigger price but we had to go to the hotel to pick up the prize. All expenses paid. So we agreed and the guy and headed to Nusa Dua. Due to certain regulation that we could not fulfill, we did not get anything just discount vouchers. Well, we took it as a free tour for us, Nusa Dua offered high end of hotels, very expensive but the beaches are beautiful.

We went back to Kuta, had our lunch at a Halal stall one of the foodcourt nearby Kuta beach. The price was ok, KL standard and the food was good. We rent up a bike for the rest of the day. It cost us IDR50,000 (rm15) for a day. To any traveller to Bali, don't ever buy petrol at the stalls along the street. Head up to any petrol station (PERTAMINA) because it cheaper. We paid IDR18,000 for 2++litre of petrol.

The bike, filling in petrol and the scenery taken while on the bike!!

With a map on my hand, we went to Denpasar. The signboards were bad, just don't trust them to much. Anyhow we took it as sight seing so we don't mind getting lost. Heheheheheh.. we visited Denpasar's Art Centre when it rains again. It was raining season that time but it does not slow us down.

Denpasar Art Centre

From Denpasar, we went to Uluwatu. The famous temple on the cliff. Uluwatu is a must visit place at Bali. You need to pay a little amount for entrence fee (IDR3000 = RM0.90 and the bike IDR2,000). A guide will follow us around the area. The guide had warned us about the naughty monkeys there. The monkeys will grab anything that is shiny such as jewellery, sun glasses, spectacles, hat etc. We had our taste of it when my hubby was taking pictures the Balinese going to pray when this naughty monkey took his spectacles. It was in just seconds when there was a woman returned the spectacles back and asking for tips. We paid IDR10,000 for that (we wanted to pay lesser but the guide does not let us!!)

Scenery from Uluwatu and the stupid monkey...

We kept our eyes later after the incident and found out that lady was everywhere. She had a bag of fruits with her and everytime a monkey stold something from the tourist she will give the fruit and the monkey will return the stuff. It was like trading or to be exect, bribing!! Stupid monkeys!! The scenery was beautiful, we decided not to watch the Kecak dance because it will cost us IDR50,000 per ticket. We watch from a far, tried to take pictures from Man's 400mm but it turned out a bit blur because it was drizzling.

It was raining... My hubby in action and Kecak dance from far...

From Uluwatu we went straight to Jimbaran Bay.. oh my.. my favourite place of all. Jimbaran Bay had a row of Seafood restaurant and the food was yummy. It made our Umbai (Melaka) or any Ikan Bakar place looks like s*#@. You need to pick what you want to eat, they will "bakar" it with sambal. The rice, vegetables, dessert and peanuts are on the house. There are 4 different "pencicah" and we like only two of it. Anyway it gives us more choices!! The tables are arranged on the beach and we took the one near to the water. It was beautiful!! Later I realised it was our first candle light dinner for us. We ate until we could not take it anymore. The food could fed 4-5 person. The service was good, the food was excellent, the place was beautiful and we paid only IDR199,000 (less than rm60).. Damn..!! it was good and cheap!!

The scenery, appetizer and the candles...

The food!! Yummy....

We went back to the Inn for the night. Wait for my next post!!

My Bali Trip - Part 1

2009-02-08T22:59:00.017+08:00

It has been quite some time from the real thing but as I had explained from the previous blog, I think you guys will understand. The Bali trip was planned long before we got married, we purchased the tickets after our engagement, back in February 2008. After discussing, Abang and I would like to make this trip a "dry" trip. No diving, just spending time discovering Bali in 6 nights with just IDR5million (yeay... we are millionaires... hehehhe it was about RM1500) spending money. Mummy had send us to the airport and we took the three hours flight to Bali. Huh.. it was a bit stress out spending that three hours in the flight but nevertheless we arrived safely at Denpasar Airport. The airport was impressive as a lot international flights came in.

(1)Crocodile hunter queuing... (2)While waiting to depart... (3)Taxing to runaway 32 Right...

On Malaysia's and Indonesia's airspace

We took a taxi IDR50,000 (RM15) to Poppies Lane 1, heading to Ayu Beach Inn, hoping there is a room for us as I did not book any room ahead. Just wanted being free and easy this time. Heheheheh.. Luckily there are rooms available and we paid around IDR150,000 (RM45) per night for a room with a queen size four poster bed and a single bed. We paid for two nights. After putting our stuff in the room, we headed to Kuta beach which is only 5 minutes walk from the hotel. There are all types of people around there, it was cool. Being very hungry, we walked around to find Arby's, a fast food being recommended by REZA AZIZ (King's Studio) which should be just around the corner but after walking nearly 45 minutes we gave up. We went to McDonald's, the one situated besides Matahari, not the one nearby the beach. We bought 2 large set with an extra burger and it cost us less than RM30. The chili sauce was a turn off for us, it was a bit different from the ones in Malaysia. After enjoying our meal, we headed back to the inn and on the way back we bought an adapter, to be used recharging the batteries for the cameras. Both of us too, got to bed early recharging ourself for the next day trip.

(1)My burger... (2)Saos sambal... no.. no... (3)My Hubby's... Big Mac...

empty...

2009-02-08T22:42:00.002+08:00

Just came back from a walk with hubby. Trying to kill the time. I am still on MC until Tuesday. Had already excepted the fact that the baby is not with me anymore. But my body still acting like I am still pregnant, feeling nausea, the metallic taste in my mouth, very sensitive to smell and my breast had started lactating. I hope it will go off soon as I could not take this anymore.

I am getting healthier and I hope I can recover as soon as possible. I am glad hubby is always there for me. All the way through. It was not easy, experiencing this moment but I am glad that I had the chance to feel it. At least I could understand the feeling that other women had experienced.

To my hubby, thanks again. I love you. Even though I felt empty, you filled me up.

new year??

2009-02-04T19:13:00.003+08:00

I had been planning of writing since after the trip to Bali. There was so many thing to share.. One day I will write about it.. Maybe these few days.. Planned to write as soon as we arrived home.. But my morning sickness had made my desire on writing it fade away..

Morning sickness?? yes... Just after Hari Raya Aidil Adha I took a pregnancy test and it was positive... It was confirmed when I went to Hospital Ampang for my appointment.. The morning sickness was quite ok... I had it mostly on the evening, tiring but I had gone through it with good supports from my hubby and family..

On the 31st December 2008, I went to visit my gynea at Kuantan Specialist Hospital and the baby was growing in a good shape... So I went back to IPBA happily for my pre-internship course..

The course was ok but the idea of being there was sickening... I prayed all the time that it will end as soon as possible.. Then it comes when we were to be sent to our new school.. The 10 of us was divided by 2 groups, 5 in the SBP group and the other 5 in the daily school group.. As us in the SBP group was given the choice to pick our own school.. There are 6 schools listed and I choose SSP..

I commute for the first week to school.. It was tiring and it was the first time I had a spotting which I ignored it due to its amount. I applied for the school's quarters for teacher and this b*&%$ (who stayed previously) had taken her own sweet time to move few small things from the house..

I was due for another appointment at Hospital Ampang on the 19th but feeling uneasy of leaving school on my second week of work made me did not go. I moved in to my new house that day where there was another spotting that day.. The next day the b*&%# came and see me and harassed me because I moved in to early.. At that point I was to tired to argue, my body was adapting to the new condition and the commuting had burn me off. I told her about my spotting and as a woman I expected she will understand. But what I get from her was "itu cerita lain, yang penting Lily dah ceroboh rumah saya"... hello... that is not your house!! You should have cleared everything before the school starts!! I was a bit depressed on the day but told no one.

The eagerly Chinese New Year holidays finally arrived. I went back to Kuantan on monday where another spotting with fresh blood had occurred. This was the first time I had fresh blood spotting and without any delay I went to visit a doctor the next day. The result was shocking.. my baby had not develop and the sac was not with the shape it should be. I tried not to accept the news but I was in tears when I told my hubby about it. I decided to visit my regular gynea for further examination the next day and planned to go to do my d&c at Hospital Putrajaya.

My gynea had confirmed the news. My baby had not develop since the 9th week, the week when I was at IPBA. So she had given me two choices, let it came out normally or d&c, but the d&c procedure must be done that day or the next day. Worrying that Hospital Putrajaya could not do it in such short time, I did it in Kuantan. Simple procedure where I was out for 40 minutes, I was in no pain but I was in tears when the stretcher came out from the operation theater. I just felt empty.

SICK!!

2008-11-20T17:07:00.002+08:00

I know everyone hates of being sick.. I was quite sick earlier this year and I am quite sick now.. Every time I fell sick I really appreciated the times I was healthy.. Being able to do anything, to eat everything and so on..

When I am sick, I felt very hopeless on not being able to do things I usually do. I am the independent type of person, I don't mind going places alone and I don't even mind eating alone in public places. Even though I am married I am still very independent.

Talking about the topic of being sick, I have to good friends who are very sick now. One with multiple sclerosis (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: Multiple sclerosis (abbreviated MS, also known as disseminated sclerosis or encephalomyelitis disseminata) is an autoimmune condition in which the immune system attacks the central nervous system, leading to demyelination. Disease onset usually occurs in young adults, and it is more common in women.) and the other one is with meningitis (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: Meningitis is a medical condition caused by inflammation of the protective membranes covering the brain and spinal cord, known collectively as the meninges. The inflammation is usually caused by infection with viruses, bacteria, or other microorganisms but may also arise due to certain drugs, or other diseases. Meningitis is potentially life threatening due to the inflammation's proximity to the brain and spinal cord; it is therefore a medical emergency.) The one with meningitis is in coma now. Thinking of both of them I am glad that I still far healthier even though I am quite sick now.

All these years I have learn that we must live our life to the fullest in all means just for things like this. Live life to the fullest but not the ones that you will regret later. Ok.. I need my rest now. Hopefully I will recover soon.

I am almost done!! -part three

2008-11-11T15:23:00.002+08:00

My body is aching... I really need a good night sleep... I nearly fell last night when I was at Kelana Jaya sending off Pak Chu... These assignments are killing me... I need my sleep..

I am almost done!! -part two

2008-11-08T17:26:00.004+08:00

This is my 6 and half years of teaching experience. As other teachers in Malaysia, the long awaited long school holidays are just around the conner. I had actually the whole year studying J language, so I had actually missed the school for the year. No more marking exam papers, marking books, doing tonnes of clerical jobs which had been a big burden for teachers in Malaysia lately. The most important of all, no more school politics which I really hate so much. But this will change, next year I am going to be relocated to a new school and I hope I will start fresh.

In August 2007, I had went for the interview for this course. On the interview, Miss A had said to me and to most of the course participant that we will be a better teacher after the course if not a good J language teacher and as we are at the end of the course Miss A's words had came true.

The one year course was very tedious, and for me personally the course had been very upsetting. The time spent had should be concentrating on us being a good J language teacher as for the language itself but the times had actually spent on doing things that were a bit inappropriate for me. Further more we had been through an emotional session which had been very upsetting for me and my classmates. Besides the normal school politics scenario it has been a bigger heart breaking scene. We had actually became a better teacher by promising not being like our teachers.

I had been in schools that the principal sucks and had made the students suffer but the one I experience was worst as so called 'professionals' did not actually act like one. Be gone with your doctorates or masters.. you guys suck!! Big time!!

These are my pledge on being a better teacher after I finished the course:

1. I won't be like Miss A. I won't:
a. Talk bad about my boss to my students.
b. Cry in front of my students telling my personal problems.
c. Cry in front of my students in what ever situation. I should be emotionally professional...
d. Ask my students to give feedbacks on my teaching and later not accepting it.
e. Burn my midnight oil and boasting to others about it.
f. Stab my colleague at the back by telling my students my colleague hates them.
g. Put high expectation on my students and denying it later.
h. Joins my students for a meal and later says it out loud regretting it because it is a waste of
time.
i. Ask my students to do reflections but me myself never reflects what happens in my life.
That's why Miss A there are so many people hates you.
j. Boasting on things I had done to my students and ask for recognition for it.
k. Tell bad things about my personal life for sympathy.
l. Think that I am the best.
m. Dress up just only because I feel insecure.
n. Scold my students in front of outsiders.
o. Scold my guess speaker in front of my students.

2. I won't be like Dr Z. I won't
a. Feel that "I am the boss so lick my ass people"
b. Ask from my staff to make a birthday party for me.
c. Ask my students their problems and later denying every of it.
d. Scold my students blindly and not knowing there's someone important kid inside the
class.
e. Prefer ass licking staff rather than others.

Well the main reason I am writing this is to remind myself later on not being like them.. I had a longer list actually... I will update it time by time.. I am counting my days leaving this hell..

The road taken...

2008-11-07T17:13:00.003+08:00

I am lost right now.. I don't know either I should feel it this way... But I am damn lost.. In a room full of people I felt alone.. Smiling faces, friendly voices but yet I am still lost... This is not my world.. I don't belong here but this is the road taken... The road I have chosen.. I am not looking back... I am just searching deeper... I hope I can find what I am looking for but again this is not my world... I don't belong here...

I am almost done!!

2008-10-31T14:27:00.003+08:00

Location: Section 13, PJ
King's Studio
Flop Poppy's new album in progress

Hie...

Well I am actually damn hungry while waiting my dive buddy recording flop poppy's new album. This is the first time I could join him at the studio for this project. Earlier I was busy with my studies, for my final exam which ended today. Thanks to Celcom broadband, now I can be online anytime, anywhere.. (ermm... where there's signal off course.. heheheheh). I am damn glad I finished my final exam.. ermmm not with flying colours but I won't fail.. that's for sure. The only thing left is to finish my assignments (it's with the s... means lots of it..)

Opps... nak pergi makan... bye..

Ok... had my lunch.. had nasi lemak from the mamak stall in front of the studio... maybe it was the first meal that i can finish it for these few days... with this fever, my appetite had gone down with it... this is the first day since monday i had taken my medicine on time.. i just can't waste my time sleeping before the examination... need to go now.. will try to update more stories later.. bye..

I DO...

2008-08-27T12:07:00.002+08:00

Hei...

Huh! it has been months since I last updated my blog. Not that I am free now but I am bored to death now so I decided to write something here. I am still stuck in Rawang, another week to go. Praying hard that every second that this will end as soon as possible.

Well.. I am still very tired. Not to mention my family (especially from my mom's side), Abang's family and close friends who had worked hard for both receptions.

It was around 10.20pm on the 16th of August when Abang successfully says his "akad" in one go. I was a bit frustrated as I was not called out to witnessed it but I was glad Abang had made it. You could ask Suzie and Edda.. I was damn nervous that night, could not even sat quietly for a minute. I was later told that Abang had cracked few jokes infront of the Tok Kadi which made everyone in the house laughing. I knew he was damn nervous that night. From that moment on I am Mrs. Riza..

How do I feel? I was asked the same question few times. I was too tired at that time to think a decent answer but I was happy, too happy indeed. I had finally found the one, the one that I wish I will wake up every morning besides him. Will post the pictures later..

My MC Fest

2008-06-22T11:41:00.004+08:00

Back in early 2000, I recalled a college friend of mine said to me that I am not suitable to follow and see him performed at a underground gig. Yesterday, for the first time I followed my Dive Buddy to a gig where his group performed. Since I knew him the group did not performed in any gigs. We arrived at MCPA Hall around 7pm and Infectious Maggots starts performing around 8++pm. The group performed 7 songs and the crowd enjoyed listening to the music. The crowd had a head banging session with the group which performed before Infectious Maggots but really enjoyed the music while Infectious Maggots performed.

It was loud (heheheheh.. what do you aspect from a Metal gig?) but enjoying. I am not a big fan of loud musics but if you really listen to the music you could appreciate it. Any music is art right? At least I had this chance to get to know my Dive Buddy better and he looked sexy on stage hehehehehhee...

To Whom It May Concern - Tinggalkan Aku

2008-05-26T20:52:00.003+08:00

TINGGALKAN AKU

Katamu cinta t'lah tiada
Sendiri aku menahan pedih ini
Hilang semua rasa, habis begitu saja
Untuk bersama buat selamanya

Katamu dia yang lebih sempurna
Dialah di jiwa Dia nafas asmara
Bisikan kata-kata akhirmu itu
Menusuk jiwaku
Kini kau datang untuk kembali
Padaku

Chorus:
Pergi sudah tinggalkan aku
Ku tak ingin engkau ada
Kembali lagi ke dalam
Cerita hidupku ini
Kubahagia tanpa dirimu
Biar begini adanya aku (karna)
Tanpamu kutemukan sinarnya

Bisikan kata akhirmu itu
Menusuk jiwaku
Kini kau datang kembali
Padaku lagi

Bridge:
Usah lagi kau guris hatiku
Ku tak mahu lagi
Merasakan hadirmu dalam duniaku
Pergilah dari hidupku

Disclaimer:
Had received a message from someone I might had mentioned about him in this blog. Just could not belief he just could write that message. For your info.. I am damn tired to bother about you. It's all OVER!! I am happy now and just leave me alone.

Bisikan kata-kata akhirmu itu
Menusuk jiwaku
- I will never forget nor forgive on what ever you had told me on our last conversation on the 19th August 2005. You had made me felt numb, heartless and heart broken. At that particular date you had made one of the biggest mistake in your life. Maybe the BIGGEST mistake!!

Usah lagi kau guris hatiku
Ku tak mahu lagi
Merasakan hadirmu dalam duniaku
Pergilah dari hidupku
- Anyway I am now glad on what had happen to us. At least I had found someone who appreciates me more than you do. I just had enough with you. I just want what you owed me.. that's all... final...

Srikandi Gala Dinner 2008

2008-05-26T16:07:00.003+08:00

May 2008

2008-05-17T23:35:00.003+08:00

I had been logging in and out my blog this few days but there are so many things in my head for me to pick the right story to write. I choose the tittle above cause I notice that I had written one blog per month... hehehehehhe.. at least it is better than nothing.

I had just finished my mid year exam which I did not do so good (also the rest of my 9 other classmates) heheehhehe.. Was brainwashed by our lecturers for these few days (huh!! never taught I will go through this process again after all these years).. I had once wrote about my difficulties learning Japanese but I had tried my best to overcome my problems in it.. But I had made a point, either I am proficient enough in Japanese before I start teaching it, I am sure going to be a better teacher as I had refresh my knowledge in the pedagogy and methodology part and I had felt again how I felt as a students. As a teacher, (next June will be my 6th year anniversary as a teacher) I had made lots of mistake during teaching. Being pressured by senior teachers or the school's aim, I had ignored my student's feeling just to achieve fulfill other people dreams (or maybe my own dreams) rather than my student's.

After been through all this hardness in studying (even though on half way through-I have another half year to go) I could really felt how my students felt. Being born with a good brain I could never understand how other people could not understand the things I felt easy. I never could understand why my students left blanks on their answer sheets as the question was so easy for me. Now I am in their shoes. I left blanks on my answer sheet. I could not understand even the question for me yet to give the right answer. Now I know how bad it feels, how frustrated my students was struggling to answer the question. I learn a lesson, the hard way. I hope my future life as a teacher I will be more sensitive and understanding.

Talking about teaching.. Happy teacher's day for all teachers in Malaysia. Just keep up the good work and if you have the time, just try to refresh your knowledge, you will gain more than the knowledge itself. I did not celebrate this year's teacher's day as I am now a student. Received lots of smses frommy fellow friends though. ermmm and also a gift from my ex-student. That's good enough.

Huh I just have so many thing to share. My grandfather, my dad's father had left us after years in pain. He passed away on the 2nd May. May him rest in peace.

Started preparing for my wedding. Well, I don't have enough time for my studies let alone my wedding preparation. I will try my best to do the best for it.

My dive buddy had been using my boyfriend a lot lately which generates money. I am happy for it as would like to do it earlier but just don't have enough time for it. His pictures are getting better and better (I need to learn from him later) hehehehehehe....

I need to stop now. Need some sleep, as minimal as possible, a quality sleep of course before I start digging in my books again.. Hope I could write soon..

Acute Gastritis

2008-04-13T00:11:00.002+08:00

Huh... it has been months since I last wrote something on my blog. Well.. I have another blog which is in Japanese and made compulsory for me to write something at least one a week at mixi.jp (which I fail to do so) hehehhehehe... I would like to give excuses but it seems to be so lame...

My luxury time while I was teaching where I spend most of my time chatting and blogging last time seems to be a history in my life. My new tight schedule had just changed everything. I had my time on line when I stayed at Ocean Elements which I occasionally stay there but I used most of my time on line checking my emails and searching data for my assignments. Even my on-line friends seems 'merajuk'. I have so many things to write but I just don't have the time to do so.

My tight schedule had actually effected my health. After my engagement day, I had a bad gastritis. I had gastritis for such a long time ago but the attacks these few months were just unbearable. Due to my brother in-law's suggestion, I agreed on doing endoscopic. I did it last month which was an experience I would love not to repeat it again. The doctor could see that my stomach had some corrosion and infection and I was given some medication for it. The attacks will come whenever I ate something which my tummy could not handle. Visits to the hospitals and clinics became my weekly affair. No pain killer could help me now (and I am not advised to consume more pain killer now) so injections is the only alternative. Whenever I am in pain, I just could see the needle which makes me a sicker person. My last appointment to the hospital my doctor suspects something is wrong with my liver so few tests had been done for it.

Well.. besides trying to stay healthy... I just would love to finish my course in one piece. Well... my wedding is coming up soon... I would like to be in one piece for that too.. huh!!

My Engagement Day...

2008-02-17T19:18:00.005+08:00

Dear all..

Firstly sorry for not posting this earlier... I just don't have the time to write it down.. I had given some hint before but I just wanna make it official first. It was last Saturday, with about 300 guests (yupp... 300.. hehehehehehhe..) which were most of it family members, neighbors, my dad's closest friends and mine the ceremony was more to family gathering.

It was very tiring as I was busy with my studies etc but everything went smoothly.. So the big day will be either this July or August... I will write about it... Hehehehehe I have a fiancee now... Errmmm...

Me....

2008-02-17T19:08:00.003+08:00

Dear friends...

I am so damn tired now.. I spend the weekends sleeping and doing my homework.. My classes are just damn crazy.. I have reached one point where I asked myself either I am doing the right thing or not.. Looking back at why I did (or start) this is just because I just love the language.. But after studying it.. I have doubts.. Looking back.. I was born in a Malay family, Malay had been my mother tongue language, english in the other hand came in quite easy as I had 18 months of experience staying in the States at a very young age. I had never face any problem studying any languages. I had studied french before, in my secondary school but it was for fun.. Not this.. You can give me hundreds of maths questions and I will try to do it.. but language is just something different.. I could feel the heat of studying it.. I don't know either I could go on.. Luckily I have my love.. He had been my strength this time.. I love you..

I am 32 and enjoying it!!

2008-01-19T18:21:00.000+08:00

Lily
09/01/1976

You are Gold Lion, who is rather serious and polite type of person.
You value personal relationships.
You suppress yourself and act to be a sociable person.
But you are really a person who doesn't like to loose to anyone.
You dislike emotional atmosphere and vague attitude.
You want to make everything clear-cut.
You like to stay in your own little world.
If you get in a situation where there are lots of people you can not express yourself and act as a perfect person.
You are not very subjective sort of person, unlike ordinary women, but unfortunately you lack soft and gentle atmosphere.
You tend to be too bold.
You cannot help but stretch your hand to those who are in need.
You are very kind person who helps the weak.
You are also weak on compliments, and will work enthusiastically after someone has given a compliment.
You will go about your duty steadily and loyally, and not get in a rush to achieve the objective.
You have perseverance, and will work effortlessly until you reach your objective.
Something that you have worked steadily for a long, long time, will turn out to be an asset to the world.
You are careful and rational, and therefore place value to steady life.
After getting married, you will be a devoted mother and a wife, but you are really a very dependent person, and prefer to keep your own little world.

Tagged

2008-01-19T17:01:00.000+08:00

I have been tagged by Bakawali..

The Rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

List eight (8) random facts about myself:

1. My father moved a lot, we had been moving in and out 16 houses till he is retired now. We are well trained in packing things... maybe one day I will open a packing company... hehehhehe

2. I never think I will be a teacher but I am glad I am one. Frankly I was born in a school. I was born at SMK Rompin warden's house. My parents were wardens back then. Yupp my parents were ex-teachers so does all my sisters, my grandfather and 60% of my uncles, aunties and cousins. Maybe I was destined to be one.

3. I had my first crush when I was 5. He was my neighbor.

4. I just love the sea. Had the first taste of sea water since I was 6 months old and I keep coming back. It makes me at ease. Luckily my dive buddy soon to be my fiance also loves it. He has been planning to built a house by the sea one day.

5. From the three girls in the family, I had the most talent from my mum in sewing, handcrafts - knitting, cross stitch (etc) and cooking. But sadly I have my dad's inpatientness, where most of my stuff especially the handcrafts part needs 3-5 years to finish.. hehehehehehe... I took over my mum's duty as the 'hantaran' maker since I was 15. I just love cooking. Especially to the love ones. It is satisfying when I see happy faces eating. A therapy for me whenever I am under lots of pressure.

6. I prefer gadgets rather than gold. I prefer buying my camera stuffs, diving stuffs, books etc without feeling guilty on spending to much.

7. Time to time I like to play dress up. I am a plain girl (hehehehehe perasan...) very happy with my jeans, t-shirts and slippers. But sometime I just love to dress up with tonnes of make up and beautiful dresses. That makes my make up expire before I could finish it.

8. Sometimes I crave for food and experience morn
ing sickness when anyone close to me is pregnant. I did not realized it at first but when it comes something very uncomfortable to me then I know it. Once I know my sister or my cousins or my close friends are pregnant and it will stop. When other people had morning sickness once in 2 or 3 years I had it 4,5 times a year. My worst experience was when my sister was pregnant to Eussoffe. I puke nearly every morning and craved for weird things... Ermmm... Pelik huh??

The next victims will be:
1. Aneez
2. Ibah
3. Iskandar
4. Muzie
5. Marina

Also can not find 8 people laa....

Lalalalalalala...

2008-01-04T09:06:00.000+08:00

Ermm... I am enjoying my free time now. Two days of 'goyang kaki' hehehehhehe. Starting from next Monday I will start my classes again and off from the web world.. Well not totally off just not as leisure as now. Tonight I will be on board of Kaleebso. My first taste of LOB (living on board) for unlimited diving this weekend. Later I would have to slow down a bit from the diving world for certain reason.

Ermm... Wanna cabut awal from school today. Need to catch the 1 pm bus to KL. Before that I need to stop to visit a shop first. Huh... going back to KL, going back to my beloved one. But this time we have so many things to settle. Okie dokie.. See you..

Happy New Year??

2008-01-03T10:16:00.000+08:00

Hello.... Am I too late?? Hope I am not.. So for everyone out there... Happy New Year... Hope this new 2008 will bring new hopes, new everything in life. Been busy lately... heheheh kept using that reason huh?? Ermmm... heheheheheh...

I am at the school today. It is the first day of school. Glad to see my students back after 3 months of course plus another 1 and a half month of school holidays. But I do really miss my ex-fifth former students. Been with them for nearly two years with their up and downs made me miss them more. A very common feeling for me every year. Tomorrow will be my last day at school because I am going to continue my studies in Japanese. It will be a year course this time. Been thinking about it for this few weeks and at last I decided to continue. The three months intensive course was actually a torture but I survived so I am going on...

For all my blog readers, I would like you to say a few prayers for my friend, Yat (I had mentioned her name few times in this blog). She is now facing a life threatening disease. I felt helpless because there is nothing much I can help just being with her to give all the inner strength she needed.

To Dr. Lynn and Ardy... Ermm... Read your blog and I could not stop smiling.. The very best for the both of you and can I claim any royalty for my blog?? hehehhehehee...

Hope everything will get better this year for me myslef and everyone out there. Just wanna ask... is it a good year to change the title? :)

I am back!!!

2007-11-20T20:07:00.000+08:00

Hhhhheeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooo!! hehehehehehehe it has been ages since I last updated my blog. Few weeks back when I hang out with my school friends I had heard complaints on me not updating my blog. I know my blog is one medium for my friends to know my whereabouts but I was so damn busy this three months I just lost track of time.

People like to give excuses and I am going to give mine too :) there are the reason why I did not update my blog:
1. My classes are damn tight. I had a loads of homeworks. I have tests every week.
2. Limited internet connection - the IPBA's line are damn slow and whenever I had my chance using the internet at OE or abang's house I will be very busy with my assignments or at least check my emails.
3. I was very busy... errmm... dating!! heheheheheheheh

I am now in Kuantan, spending this few days with my students who are sitting for their SPM. The paper I taught, Additional Mathematics was on today. I was so damn nervous as my students spent the time inside the examination hall answering the paper. There is nothing a teacher wants more than happy faces coming out from the hall. Every smile I saw brings me to heaven. The best of all when they thanked me for whatever I had taught them. It is not easy to answer the paper and I was there at the side of the hall most of the time just to give the inner strength for them.

Well... It's time for dinner... I will continue to write soon as possible.. (ermm i might spend the time sleeping tough.. ) I have so many to share... Ttttuuuunnngggguuuu...

I have been tagged

2007-09-16T09:34:00.000+08:00

My friend, Dr. Lynn aka Bones aka Bakawali had tagged me. hehehehe doing this for fun... here it goes..

5 things in my bag
1. My Wallet
2. Keys - car keys, house keys, room keys etc
3. An english novel book or/and magazine
4. My handphone
5. Lipstick and compact powder

5 things in my wallet
1. My ID
2. My Padi AOWD Card
3. Lots of cards - atm cards, credit cards, bonus points cards etc
4. My Dive Buddy picture
5. An old RM20 note

5 Favorite things in my bedroom
1. My "Selimut Busuk"
2. My laptop
3. My magazines and story books
4. My new bed
5. My old perfume collection

5 Things I wish to do
1. Live happily with my dive buddy
2. Dive exotic dive sites with my dive buddy
3. Write a book
4. Do bungee jumping at New Zealand
5. Grow old with my dive buddy

5 Things I am doing now
1. Lying on my new bed with my homework all over it
2. Chatting with my colleague - talking about our big bosses at school (ngumpat masa bulan posa-hehehehehe)
3. Thinking of my dive buddy - who is sick on the weekend I am not around
4. Planning on what to do next, before I head back to KL
5. Ermmm.... nature call!!

5 Person I would like to tag
1. Ardy
2. Muzie
3. Aneez
4. Siti Hasina
5. Marina

My New Life #2 - I'm the lucky one

2007-09-15T05:30:00.000+08:00

Been thinking either I should write this or my report on my trip to Perhentian during the National Day for the underwater clean up but then I decided to write this first. Just to make it easier for me to tell about my Perhentian trip later. Before I start I wanna share this first. The lyric of one of Anuar Zain's new songs - I'm the lucky one.

Ku persembahkan satu cita ku
Setulus hati hanyalah untukmu
Dan ku lakukan semampu aku
'Tuk menyayangi mu
Hingga kau merasa jadi pujaanku

Chorus:
Meski bercinta kadang tak indah
Tapi 'tuk buktikan kau yang terindah
Dan ku pastikan
I'm the lucky one
Nikmati cinta
Lebih dari segalanya

Jiwa ku dulu yang tak tersentuh
Kini terasa sejak bersamamu
Berikan hangat hingga ku tak mampu '
Tuk jauh dari mu
Kerna kau yang bisa buat ku bahagia

Bridge:
Caramu membuat ku tak terdaya
Mata hatiku pun ikut terjaga
Kau ubah hidupku ini
Jadi sempurna

Yess.... I'm the lucky one. Ermm I don't really don't know how to start this but I just would like my friends to know about what had happen to my life. I think you have read one of my blog saying that I went out with my "Dive Buddy". Well it is official now I am with him. He is a diver for sure. I am sure to tell more about him later, I just lost my words now. I will attach two pictures of us underwater during the Project AWARE dives.

Pictures courtesy from Comot. Thanks

My New Life #1

2007-09-15T04:03:00.001+08:00

Ok... I am still wide awake at 4 am. Maybe because of the ice coffee from Kemaman Kopitiam I drank while hanging out with Yat or maybe because I slept in the bus all the way from KL till Maran and continued sleeping after Maghrib. Well I am really tired, mentally and physically but after quite sometime since I last logged in I would really take this time to cramp everything.

Oppsss... back to the topic... My new life #1... well I made it!! I made it to the 12 weeks Japanese Conversion Course. I registered on the 27th August 2007. I was informed that I was selected only on Thursday afternoon so I don't have a lot of time to settle everything. There were so many things that I need to settle in three days. The car need to be fixed, need to settle my school stuff, need to pack up etc. That is the reason why I don't have the chance to even write a single line for it.

Ermm... it has been quite sometime since I last studied full time and the feeling was good. Well to tell the truth, I really need to adjust myself on the fact I am studying full time now. My brain is a bit rusty but I enjoyed every second of it. This conversion course is only 12 weeks and it is an express course. In this 12 weeks I need to learn so many things. Even Hiragana - one of the japanese characters, I spent a day to get to know it, write it and lastly remembered it. HUH!!! My last Japanese course I spent 2 months to do it but in this 3 weeks I can read Hiragana. Ermmm...

The Zakuro 2

In this 12 weeks, my other 18 classmates and me will not only need to learn about the language but also the japanese culture. So we had and will have few trips for this matter, the first was a lunch trip to the Zakuro - a japanese restaurant besides Ampang Park. Enjoyed the food so much. Love it.

One of the sets offered at The Zakuro 2

For the time being, I stayed at my apartment in Damansara Damai but sometimes I slept at IPBA. I have a beautiful room there. I love my new life, eventhough it is a bit hectic but I need the change, I have been in my comfort zone for quite a long time now. I love the language though, that is what made me took this.

My Classmates at the Tatami Room - Japan Foundation Kuala Lumpur

After the 12 weeks course, I will take JLPT (Japan Language Proficiency Test) Level Four (the lowest level). Next year, out of 19 students only 15 will go to next level, a year course to prepare ourself as Japanese Language teachers. I hope I can make it. A break from the school is something good.. I need it. :)

Huh!!

2007-09-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

I had been very busy with my new life this few weeks which had practically made me of the net which is something will drive me crazy last time but not this time. I have so many things to tell yet I don't think I have all the time to do it. I wanna tell everything... Every single details on what happen to me this few weeks. Just wanna share it with you guys. Ermmm for the time being I wanna clean up my mail box and browse for information on the stuff I need to do (homework.. or should I use the word sukudai) huh... I will be back soon!!!

The Thousand Kilometre Journey

2007-08-17T08:06:00.000+08:00

Yahooo..... today is the last day of school for this first half of this second semester. I need a break but this break does not means a lot since I have bundles of exam papers to mark. How I wish I just could teach the kids and don't have to mark any exam papers. Keep on dreaming babe.

I would like to share what happen last week, starting from Wednesday. When I first woke up that morning I could see my eyes were red but ignored it as it is something normal for me early in the morning. As the clock strike 9, the redness in my eyes gotten worst and I could feel the pain in it. I went straight to the office asking permission to go to the clinic. It was confirmed that I have sore eyes which I 'inherited' from the family. It started from the doctor in the house hehhehehehe. I got 3 days MC for that.

I went directly home just to make sure none of my students will 'inherit' it from me later. They were sitting for their SPM trial exams at that time. I dozed off for awhile and when I woke up both of my eyes were flaming red. The pain were unbearable, my eyes were with tears all the time and it started to swollen. Despite of my swollen and teary eyes, I pack up my stuff and started driving to KL. It was the most torturing drive I had ever experienced. I stopped at every single RnR, just to clean my eyes and put some eye drops to it. I managed to arrived KL after nearly four hours drive. Went straight to my apartment, clean up and took a nap.

It was nearly 9.30pm when my Dive Buddy finally finished working and drove to pick me up for dinner. We had yong tau foo at Damansara Uptown. Then we drove around town just to kill the time, chatting and exchanging stories. I finally arrived home 3.30am and went straight to bed. 'Dive Buddy' woke me up that morning at 6.30am so I can be prepared for the interview. The interview was held at Institut Perguruan Bahasa Antarabangsa (IPBA), Lembah Pantai. I arrived on time just to find out they were still preparing the interview room. It started with two simple test, one is about general knowledge about Japan while the second test was about Japanese words (characters). Having basic knowledge in Japanese did help me a lot for the second test. The interview went well, I do think I had done quite a good job so just pray to Allah I will get the spot. My eyes were still flaming red and swollen. It was something to remember the rest of my life.

After done with the interview thing I rang my Dive Buddy for lunch. I picked him from his place and he drove us to Midvalley for lunch. It was nearly four when I started driving back to Kuantan. I arrived Kuantan around 7pm, clean up and try to sleep as I will start moving from Kuantan to Mersing around 3.30am. Dive Buddy woke me up around 3am where I slowly and quietly pack everything to start my journey. It was my first journey alone at that particular time. I did not have any problems along the way as it was the same route to my village. But the quietness did bother me. Luckily Dive Buddy's smses did accompany my morning ride. I arrived at Mersing few minutes before six where everyone else where already there. Everyone would be Halimi, Muzie, Shah, Razi, Azmi and Hafiz.

Me and Shah... Could you see my swollen eyes... ooouucchhh it hurts

We took the 7.30am ferry to Tioman. The ferry was full with passenger and the water was choppy, less then 30 minutes on the ferry I could hear sounds of people vomiting. Well, me and vomits will never befriends. I couldn't stand everything about vomit, the sound, the smell and the look of it. I tried to cool myself up even though I had the feeling of vomiting myself. Luckily I did not ate anything before the ride or not I will join the vomit party. The ferry was damn cold till our mineral waters turn to cold mineral waters.

We arrived at Kampung Salang just to realize there is no Maxis reception. Wuuuaaarrrrggghhhhh!!!! Ermm I had been through the time where I don't even care if I have a cell phone with me but... I do really need my cell phone now!! Help me!! I really need it. Not this time.

Ok... Back to the main story. I was in Tioman for my AOWD (Advance Open Water Diver). It is the second level in diving after Open Water Diver (OWD). For AOWD, we need to take 5 specialties which had been list out by PADI, which from the five, there are two compulsory specialties - deep dive and navigation dive. The other three we can choose from a wide range of selection offered by PADI. For this particular trip, Halimi (my instructor) had chosen Peak Performance Buoyancy, Night Dive, Wreck Dive and Nitrox. Nitrox is another type of air which the percentage of Oxygen in it is not 21% like normal air, it can be either 32% or 36%. With bigger percentage of oxygen, the decompression time will be longer so we can dive longer with it.

My first dive was at Pulau Soyak for navigation dive. It was cool when we need to navigate under water with the visibility less then 10m. The second dive was at the House Reef - my first taste of shore dive and this time for Peak Performance Bouyancy (PPB). It was fun playing underwater and I had the first taste of laughing under water. Really laughing under my regulator. The third dive was night dive, again at the House Reef. Night dive was superb, it is as if we were flying outer space. The darkness, playing with the torch, watching the fishes sleeping and the nocturnal under water creatures alive. It was just great, would love to do it again soon. For the record, I was still unwell because of the bumpy ride earlier so I vomit twice, after the first and second dive but I was quite upset it is not in my regulator hehehehehe...

After the first dive. On the boat with Hafiz

On the second day, the first dive was at Sea Fan, it was for the deep dive. For OWD, the maximum depth is 18 meters while for AOWD it will be 40 meters. So we did a deep dive around 24 meters that day. Going deeper is something very cool - both literally and not literally hehehehehe. The second dive is diving at the Marine Park where 12 boats had been sunk for wreck dive. This is where we use our EANx32 tank, love the experience of breathing 32% of oxygen while hovering around wrecks. I still found it very uncomfortable for me to dive at wrecks, I don't know why. The fifth dive was the last dive as I was certified as an Advance Open Water Diver. The last dive was the fun dive errmmm I can't really remember the name of the site and I am to lazy to take out my dive log to check it out. The fun dive was fun, felt better than the five dives where you were supervise all the time.

My EANx32 tank... cool

I decided not to do the extra dives, why you may ask.. Frankly I don't have my heart during the dives.. It was... errmm... just somewhere else... Anyhow I was grateful as this trip really had helped me make an important decision where I had given a chance to my heart, yupp I listened to my heart where I had neglected it for quite some time.

We had another bumpy ride on the way back where we took 3 hours to reach mainland. It was raining all the way through. Lucky I was so damn tired so I slept most of the time. After having dinner with the whole gang, I started my journey home where I arrived about 12pm where my car meter shows that I had driven 989km.

2007-08-14T14:17:00.000+08:00

Capricorn and Aquarius

When Capricorn and Aquarius join together in a love match, they tend to bring out the most positive attributes of one another. Capricorn is a more cautious, rational outlook on life, while Aquarius is insatiable, fostering an idealistic approach to nearly everything. On the surface, they may seem like total opposites, but once these two set eyes on one another, an unbreakable bond is formed.

Both Capricorn and Aquarius can be opinionated to the point of seeming unwilling to compromise. Capricorn thrives on organization and is always looking for consequences. Aquarius is modern and finds routine troublesome and boring. Capricorn will find wonder in Aquarius, but may get frustrated trying to find a stitch of logic in their partner's desultory, mystical mind. Aquarius will not appreciate the domineering streak in their partner, but will find the solid base that Capricorn provides to be a great support and will be relieved that someone will help them to take care of their personal matters.

Capricorn and Aquarius are ruled by Saturn, and Aquarius is also ruled by Uranus. Saturn is a cool, traditional energy. This planet is very goal-oriented and devoted to progressive thinking. Capricorn and Aquarius merge their strengths to Aquarian revolutions or Capricornian social status. Uranus is about all things different and unusual. Capricorn will show Aquarius a life based on organization, rationality and comfort. Aquarius can help Capricorn to dream more and possibly stand up for their beliefs.

Announcement And Updates

2007-08-08T08:28:00.000+08:00

Well I had been wanting to blog for few days now but I had been a bit occupied to another way of communication. I had not been online as often as I use to due to this, but time to time I do logged in just to clean up the junks in my mail box.

I would to announce that today, from 2 pm onwards I won't be logging in till this Sunday. Today after school I am off to KL for an interview tomorrow morning. Don't get me wrong, this interview is not for another job, it is for a conversion course I applied early last month. I am still a teacher but maybe after this I will be teaching another subject besides the one I am teaching now.

I applied for this just the sake of the knowledge which I really wanna learn and thinking this as a short break from teaching. At this time I really need to have a break plus I need my brains to work more. If I succeeded, I will start this new journey end of this month.

Then, on Friday I am going on another diving trip. This time is for my AOWD (Advance Open Water Diver). With this certification, I can dive DEEPER and LONGER heheheheheh.... This trip is at Tioman. I had visited Tioman few times but this is my first taste of it as a diver. I had been dreaming about diving these few days. I can even feel myself underwater now.

Angel

2007-08-07T08:10:00.000+08:00

	Angel - Madonna

Why am I standing on a cloud
Every time you’re around
And my sadness disappears
Every time you are near

Bridge:

You must be an angel
I can see it in your eyes
Full of wonder and surprise
And just now I realize

Chorus:

Oooh you’re an angel
Oooh you’re an angel
Oooh you’re an angel
In disguise, I can see it in your eyes

Walking down a crowded avenue
Other faces seem like nothing next to you
And I can’t hear the traffic rushing by
Just the pounding of my heart and that’s why

(bridge)
(chorus, repeat)

You’re an angel
You’re an angel, baby
You’re an angel
You must be an angel

Now I believe that dreams come true
’cause you came when I wished for you
This just can’t be coincidence
The only way that this makes sense is that

(chorus, repeat)

You’re an angel
You’re an angel, baby
You’re an angel
You must be an angel, baby

Clouds just disappear

p/s: I am your angel? You are my angel too.

Love is Cinta

2007-07-30T12:16:00.000+08:00

It had been a stressful week for me. After three wonderful days being underwater with great company, I was stuck with bundles of work, need to solve a student's problem, being directed to accompany my students to the State's Science Carnival at Pekan and the list can go on non-stop. To reduce the stress level, I decided to do a movie marathon weekend with Yat. But we ended up with one movie only because we were damn tired through out the weekend.

Since both of us never watch any Indonesian movie before, even the famous "Ada Apa Pada Cinta", so we opted for "Love is Cinta". I had never paid any attention on any promotion about the movie or even did not read the preview before watching it. Only the "Ada Cinta" song had been played again and again on the radio. So both of us had no idea what is the movie all about.

It took me less than 10 minutes to shed my first tears and it did not stop there. From plot to plot, from time to time, I shed my tears. The last movie I was with tears was "Cinta", it was last November. The base of the movie was more likely to Ghost, but the plot was different with it's own originality. The actors had played their role well, as they had touched a lot of people watching it. We can hear sobbing sounds time to time.

There are few moral value from this movie:
1. If you like someone, totally like him/her please tell them.
2. Appreciate what ever you have, because it could be to late if they are gone.
3. Listen to your heart, it will show you the way.

I would like to share the Ada Cinta song here

ucapkanlah kasih satu kata yg ku nantikan
sebab ku tak mampu membaca matamu
mendengar bisikmu

nyanyikanlah kasih senandung kata hatimu
sebab ku tak sanggup mengartikan getar ini
sebab ku meragu pada dirimu

reff:
mengapa berat ungkapkan cinta
padahal ia ada
dalam rinai hujan
dalam terang bulan
juga dalam sedu sedan

mengapa sulit mengaku cinta
padahal ia terasa
dalam rindu dendam
hening malam
cinta terasa ada

nyanyikanlah kasih senandung kata hatimu
sebab ku tak sanggup mengartikan getar ini
sebab ku meragu pada dirimu

repeat reff

Last time I took 10 years to finally have the guts saying that I love a particular person, I had my good moments with him even though it was less then 2 years. I had no regrets but I don't think I can wait another 10 years to do the same thing...

FYI... from the original plan to release our stress, we were depressed after watching it hehehehhehe... so the moral value here... read the synopsis or movie preview before watching any movies.

"The Moment"

2007-07-25T08:03:00.000+08:00

Still in the diving mood I would like to share something here.

Before every boat dives, the divers will busy loading their gears into the boat, making a lot of noise, talking to each other, laughing or even singing out loud. Either a 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 8 minutes, 15 minutes or 30 minutes boat ride there will be one moment of total silence inside the boat. What you could hear will only be the boat engine and the sound of water splashing. What you can see is the divers looking at the horizon, as far as the eyes could see with total silence.

I love this moment, I could be lost in my own thoughts, feeling absolutely free from my own problems where at the moment there is only me and the sea. Total peace. I don't know what is on other divers mind, but everyone seems lost within themselves. At that particular moment, time seems to stop, waiting for us. Letting us lost in our own thoughts, with all the time we need.

I could not wait for my next dive, where I could be at the moment again.

From Heaven Returning To Earth

2007-07-23T18:01:00.000+08:00

It is my second trip to Perhentian in 11 months, the first place where I started my journey to the other world - underwater. I stayed at Teluk Dalam this time, a beach south-east coast on the Pulau Perhentian Besar, a different beach from my previous visit. I haven't tried Pulau Perhentian Kecil yet, next time maybe.

I started my journey at 1.00 am from Kuantan by bus to Kota Baharu. Arrived at Jerteh around 5.45am where earlier I had received a call from Muzie telling me the group had arrived from KL. I took a cab (more like kereta sapu actually) to Kuala Besut Jetty. Met Muzie at the mosque nearby the jetty. Later I met the rest of the group, Radzi and Azmi (OWD students), Marina and Izatul (leisure divers) and Rozana (Izatul friend's - non diver). We waited for Yan, Abang and Ipin who where driving from KL and also Nas (a diver) with her brother - Ghadaffi (non diver) from KB. When everyone were there we started to load up our stuff (which occupy most of the space) on the boat and head up to Pulau Perhentian. 45 minutes later we arrived at Teluk Dalam Beach. Unload our diving gears at East Marine-Arwana Dive Center and head to our chalet, Samudera Chalet which situated beside Arwana Beach Resort.

The view from my room

After changing my clothes, Muzie came to my room to give my new wetsuit, a red Adrenaline wetsuit which fits perfectly on me. We walked to the DC (dive center) for our first dive. At the DC I tried on my new red Gull Mantis Open Heel fins and woohooo it fits perfectly on me. So I have a new red suit - wetsuit and fins. I have another fins actually, a blue one which match with my mask and snorkel. Errmmm new red mask and snorkel next time? Hehehehehehehe Just wait for it.

Teluk Dalam Beach

We were divided in three groups, Yan, Ipin and Abang in the first group - the photographers where they were in a mission to shoot a promo. Muzie, Nas, Izatul, Marina and me in the second group - the leisure divers group. Radzi and Azmi will be in the third group - the OWD students under Halimi. The first group was lead by Tee and my group was lead by Onn.

I did 8 dives this weekend, adding another two extra dives. The dive sites were Sharks Point, Tiga Ruang, D'Lagoon (first day), Terumbu Tiga, Laluan Anak Naga, Tanjung Panglima Abu (second day), Tokong Laut and Sugar Wreck (the additional dives - third day). The dives were superb!! The vis was not that good, but I enjoyed every dives. This is my first time buddy with Muzie and I had a great time. Thanks Muzie..

I won't write a report on each dives, I will just write the summary for it. From all the eight dive sites, I had visited two of it during my OWD dives. D'lagoon and also Terumbu Tiga. I hated Terumbu Tiga because of the current last time and I did not enjoyed my dive at all but this time was different. I had issues due to my new wetsuit, need extra weight for it. Every time my tank reached 50 bars, I will be floating hehehhehehehehehe. I had started to feel comfortable underwater and due to tips given by the sifus, I tried to improve my finning, breathing and also my buoyancy.

I had started to notice small creatures, nudis, a cleaner shrimp and few other things. I saw a turtle and enjoyed chasing it, 3 sharks - 2 of it were nurse shark under a boulder thanks to Muzie. I also saw a lot of puffer fish, a big bumphead, lion fish, batfish, a few times swam with a school of fish. I started to feel comfortable posing underwater but I need to practice on it hehehehehhehe. The trip to Sugar Wreck was my first wreck dive. PADI have a specialty on wreck diving, this is due to the different diving at a wreck. For me, I had to agree on other people's view on wreck diving, the eerie feeling due to the idea of there was once life on the ship. The feeling was magnificent, beyond words. For sure I had fun with Muzie playing around the wreck, like kids on a playground. My personal favorite this time was Tokong Laut, I will be there again.. I am sure..

Pulau Rawa... Our Surface Interval stop (Tokong laut n Sugar Wreck)

The trip was great, the company was even better. Enjoyed every second of it even though it was damn tiring. Ok... I wanna make a confession here... I think I need a underwater camera, I know it will come soon - the passion of diving and photography combined but I never know it will be this soon. Huh... I am in dilemma, anyhow I will take my AOWD first next month then I will be thinking about this again.

I would like to thank East Marine for the great service, I love your boat!! Thanks to the DMs - Tee, Onn and Chin you guys are the best. Thanks to the whole group, Halimi, Muzie, Yan, Abang, Ipin, Chomot (she came a day later), Marina, Izatul, Nas, Rozana, Ghadaffi, Radzi and Azmi. I had a great time with you guys, what happen on the island stays on the island key! To Radzi and Azmi welcome the new world, congratulation on your certification. Hope you will continue diving.

My Pic underwater courtesy from Yan.. thanks babeh..

I had fallen in love again - the love to the underwater world.

Losing my sanity

2007-07-18T22:04:00.000+08:00

The work load in the school this few days were damn hell. The big boss makes noise on everything, the other three small bosses having their own agendas and us teachers stuck in between. I love my job, I love my students, I love the things I am doing but this four big heads nearly made me losing my sanity.

Praying hard so my latest plan works out, not intentionally leaving my beloved students but just need a new life. The thing that makes me looking forward for another day and stay sane is my diving trip this weekend. Counting every second and minutes to it. I give my report later. Now I need to sleep after a hard day.

Wet Dreams...

2007-07-14T07:46:00.000+08:00

Heheheheheheh... Don't get me wrong... It is not the usual wet dreams, my wet dreams will be my dream being underwater. 5 more days I will be underwater again, another world to me. Peace, tranquil and serene.

Most people will argue on my passion on diving. Most of them argue on the danger of doing it. Isn't everything dangerous out there? You sit in front of the TV is also dangerous, driving on dry land is also dangerous and the list can go non-stop.

Not everyone will be able to dive and I have that opportunity. Diving is something not easy, we humans being in the other element, not ours. It is not for the ones who are weak hearted and does not have the courage.

Am I scared being down there? Heck I do, but it is worth it, every second of it. The tranquility in that world made me forget about the fear I have. It is a 30++ minutes in my life that I can forget about my problems on dry land. It is not I wanna run from my problems but it is good to forget about if for a while.

I am new in this world but I could notice that divers out there are the most supportive group I had met. They will encourage us (or me) on keep diving even though we have any problems or not mastering few skills. I had been mingling around a lot of people but for me, besides my good friends, divers are another group that is very supportive.

Next month will be my first anniversary being a diver. Before my first anniversary I am going to go to the next level. I am going to take my Advance Open Water Diver (AOWD) certification. Add up another c-card to my collection and of course I can go deeper!!

Back to my dream, every time I am due for a diving trip, I will be very excited and last night dream proves that. I dreamt descending slowly, could hear I am breathing through the regulator, could feel the peace as I got deeper, it is something to beautiful to be describe.

Perhentian... Wait for me, I am coming!!

Eusoffe is two!

2007-07-11T23:55:00.001+08:00

6, 7 & 8 July 2007

2007-07-10T11:01:00.000+08:00

Another weekend which I have been waiting for. It was a busy week for me even though most of the classes are canceled due to SPM workshop for form 5 students. My first week teaching EST. Still have to learn a lot for this subject. Love talking and chatting to the students for this class.

Before I left the school, it was scheduled earlier for me to give an usrah to the girls. It is my first time doing it. I choose a simple topic which I do think I need to let the girls know their priority in life. I am no ustazah, my Islamic knowledge is very basic so I talked to them as a sister, as a friend giving out advise. It turns out well.

I departured around 1.30pm because I need to stop at Temerloh RnR to pick up few things from my daddy. He was on the way home from Ipoh. Arrived at Temerloh 30 minutes earlier than my dad so I need to wait for him. It was my first time crossing over the other side of the highway, heheheheheh a good experience indeed. After picking up the stuffs, stayed with my daddy for awhile I started moving again. Around 5pm as I had passed the Genting Sempah Tunnel, I called Tenko to reconfirm our date. Since the first plan was to visit Jayce and Jayce is at China, Tenko had made other plans. So I need to make a new plan fast! I thought I wanna go to Midvalley to do a bit of shopping but I ended at PWTC at last.

I went straight up to level 4, met Yan talking to someone outside the hall and make my way to Ocean Elements booth. Since I did not plan for this visit, I just stayed at OE's booth. It was the first time I met Ipin and Rose. I waited till 7 pm and we (Halimi, Muzie, Rose and I) had our dinner at Stable Steak House, Kampung Baru. After dinner I made few rounds in KL city center than later went straight back home.

I was wide awake at 4am, one syndrome I have whenever I stayed home alone. It is not the fear but the emptiness I felt made me uncomfortable. Since I was wide awake, I decided to do a bit of spring cleaning. Starting from my wardrobe the later the rest of the house. While cleaning up, I watched TV3, few older programmes being replayed. I would like to share something from one of the programmes I watched.

It was at 8am when I realized I was late for a breakfast date with Davie. I took my bath and get ready as soon as possible, I was unlocking the door when I received Davie's call saying that I can take my own sweet time since she overslept after watching tennis the night before. The road condition was perfect so I arrived at Pandan Indah just about 30 minutes. Took Davie to the Cheras Veledrome for breakfast (wanna go somewhere else at first but the traffic at Loke Yew was terrible).

After breakfast with non stop chatting, we went to Jalan TAR to visit my tailor. Sending few materials bought from Padang. While I was driving, I received a call from Yan asking me if I am already at PWTC. I had earlier promised to come later in the afternoon because I wanna spend time with Davie. Since Halimi and Muzie will not be there in the morning, while Ipin needs to pick his wife from the hospital and Yan overslept I decided to make a quick stop at the tailor and then head straight to PWTC. Davie tagged along.

Staying about half an hour, Davie went home, she took the lrt even though I wanna send her home. Few minutes after I came back to the 4th level, Zul called and invited me for lunch. Syam and Erika were there too. Since Halimi had arrived to the booth, I asked Yan to join me for lunch, well he still owe me a lunch. We joined Zul, Syam and baby Erika at Garden Cafe. Erika who is with a fever started crying when she looked at Yan heheheheheh. Well lunch was ermmm ok, not to my liking but just ok.

We went back to PWTC where people had started to flood the place. Tenko and Matt were at the booth when I arrived. After changing hellos, they went to check out the booths there. Muzie arrived around 3pm from UPSI, looked tired but kept smiling and went straight to work. You are a superwoman laa sis. I took the chance that afternoon to mingle around with few fellow divers and friends which came to visit the expo. I did some surveying on few things I had in mind. I left around 6pm because I had few plans with my friends.

As I drove out from PWTC, I received an sms from Adah to join them for tea at Pelita Jalan Ampang. I called Suzie and she claims she is waiting at Pelita. When I arrived at Pelita, Suzie was no where to be seen. I called her back later to find out she was at Pelita Ampang Point heheheeheheh. I met Joe (Adah's new boyfriend) and had a bowl of sinful lamb soup. Never mind, I will be on diet from Monday. Last kopek.. hehhehehehehehe

I drove straight to Ampang in search of Suzie's new apartment, I received a call from Suzie asking me to fetch her at Win's house. It was ok at first and suddenly I made a wrong turn followed by another wrong turn and at last I end up at Taman Kosas heheheheheheheh... This is not my first time I was lost in the middle of Ampang. But frankly I enjoyed being lost, it is a good way to learn new roads and discover new places.

I arrived at Suzie's new apartment about 45 minutes after that. A new apartment in Ampang, after the three of us freshen up, we lay down in front of the TV. Well it was the first Saturday night when we hang out and do nothing. There is always a long agenda if there is any girls night out, and the earliest we head back home is 2 am. Actually, the three of us had been busy the whole day so everyone were tired. We watched TV and ate what ever possible from Suzie's kitchen (which is not much anyway). We received an sms from Fizzy asking us either wanna join them at Pelita Jalan Ampang about 2am and no one could move a muscle.

I woke up around 5am, doing nothing, staring at the empty ceiling until Adah woke up around 5.30am. She went to the toilet and suddenly I have this crazy idea, I ask Suzie to wake up and told both of them I wanna go for an early breakfast. Hehehehehehe this is the first time everyone woke up 5.30am on a girl's weekend out. I called Davie and she agrees to join us. We prayed and later went straight to Pandan Indah to pick Davie. We went to Mc Donald's in Pandan Indah, had our big breakfast and chat non-stop. It was a beautiful morning and I enjoyed it. It was around 9am when we head back home.

Adah and I sent Davie back home and went straight to Midvalley, I wanna buy something for Eusoffe's birthday. After searching high and low I ended not buying anything. I drove straight to PWTC for the last day of MIDE. Kamm joined us at Midvalley because she wanna visit MIDE. After she had made few rounds, both of us left the hall to have lunch at The Mall. We wanna go to Bukit Jalil for the National Band Competition.

We arrived at Bukit Jalil a bit late, well I was lucky not to drive there as the weather was not that good and the traffic was bad. The third band had start performing when I arrived at ex-STFian corner. 5 years in STF had made me love the band so much. I was never a band girl but the spirits is still there. I waited till STF performed and through out this process I had shouted, laughed and even screamed like a teenager. Well it made me feel much younger. I left Bukit Jalil after STF performance.

I arrived back at PWTC when it was already 6pm. Few booths had started packing as it will be closed at 7pm. I went around to say goodbye to my friends as I had planned to start my journey at 6.30pm. It was a superb weekend and I will be back for next year's MIDE. I arrived safely at Kuantan around 9.30pm. I was smiling all the way back. Thanks guys, I really enjoyed my weekend.

Mahu Tapi Malu - Dina

2007-07-10T09:05:00.000+08:00

Wanna post this song for quite some time. Another catchy song from Dina. Love listening this song while driving.

Terpana aku,dikau menuju
di depan mata,memanggil nama ku
menyapa mesra,berbisik nada manja
diri, rasa bagai nak melayang

di hati mula, tertanya tanya
resah gelisah di setiap masa
apakah benar ku sudah tergoda
ku malu untuk menyatakan nya

(Pre-Chorus)

ku malu mengaku, kau dihatiku
ku malu merindu, kau takkan tahu
ku malu bertemu, menatap mata mu
ku malu kupendam, rahsia hatiku

(Chorus)

oh apa harus ku simpan saja
cinta yang bermain di jiwa
tak mampu lagi ku tunggu
ku malu tapi ku mahu cinta mu

diriku bukanlah pujangga
yang bijak bermadah kata
haruskah ku diam saja
ku malu tapi ku mahu cinta mu

(Verse)

berdebar debar tidak ku sabar
menanti saat --kita bersua
hendak ku khabarkan hasrat di jiwa
namun pasti diri ku terkaku

di hati mula, tertanya tanya
resah gelisah di setiap masa
apakah benar kusudah sedia
masih ku malu menyatakan nya

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

oh kasih yang tercipta
pasti tiada tandingannya
bimbang hati ini jika
kau tak membalas cinta ku yang ada
makin terseksa di jiwa
tiap kali ku mencuba
melagu kata namun lidah ku kelu tak berdaya

Is it wrong??

2007-07-09T17:41:00.000+08:00

I wanna wrote my report on what happen last weekend. It was a blast, very tiring but enjoyable. But I couldn't write about it yet because I think it would be unfair for myself and my friends. I had spent the day with tears, not because of I am sad, but my friends are.

In my old blog, I remembered writing an entry talking about my friends. Beside Allah, The Prophet Muhammad, my family, myself... I love my friends. I grew up with friends, the 10 critical years of growing up I spent with my friends. I treasure my friends as I had lost few of them. I learned my lesson the hard way, appreciate everything I have when I have it, not after I lost it. People tend to take things for granted when they have it and then later regret when they lost it.

My friends tend to classify me as someone 'strong', it fits to my name where Jalida = tabah. But lately I had been telling my friends that I am strong because they made me. Besides Allah, The Prophet Muhammad and my family, I owed everything to my friends.

Since I treasure my friendship, I will try my best to make my friends happy. If they are happy, I am happy, if they are sad, I am sad too. Is it wrong? It is damn frustrating when I feel helpless where I could not help my friends. I know I am no superwoman. But I want the best for my friends as they had been the best for me, in my life. I do think I am a better friend than a girlfriend.

To my two friends who are not in their good day today, I prayed for the best to you. You deserve to be happy. My tears today is for you.

MIDE here I come...

2007-07-05T18:29:00.000+08:00

This weekend is MIDE weekend. What is MIDE? It is Malaysian International Dive Expo. You can check it here to find the details. I had been waiting for this event since I first knew it. It has been marked in my organizer for this event since March. That is why when my name was up for a camping trip I had to say no to my boss hehehehhehehe. Well that is not the first time.

Why I wanna go to MIDE? I wanna check out few stuff, I am collecting dive equipments slowly. I wanna check out the dive packages offered, there will be participants from overseas too. The best part is I wanna meet my diver friends - the ones I knew and have met and the ones I knew and I haven't met hehehehehe.

Well besides MIDE, this visit is also dedicated to my girl friends. It has been quite some time since I last hang out with them. Another therapy session for me, I really need it since my next diving trip will be in another 2 weeks time. There is also The National Band Competition at Bukit Jalil Stadium where STF will be representing Johor. I am still thinking on joining my friends since I need to head home that evening.

Girls... here I come. I had shave my legs and ready to party!!

ps: I will not be online from tomorrow afternoon till Sunday. No worries, most of my friends online will be at MIDE too ;)

Kasih Tercipta

2007-07-04T14:28:00.000+08:00

Love this song.. it is sang by Faizal Tahir. Specially dedicated to a special someone. I wanna you happy.

Kasih hilang tiada bicara
Setelah cintaku kau puja
Rintihan rindu terus melanda
Redup cahaya...Ooo..
Hati lara

Bisiklah kiranya aku bersalah
Sedetik tersirat rasa
kau cipta kasih yang kumiliki
Cintaku jujur selama ini...ooo...

Carilah aku dalam hatimu
Sayang sebutlah kau rindu...ooo...
Hanya...pintaku
Kasihmu kekal setia
Usah biarku...ooo...
Terus terluka

Ooo...kasih tercipta
ooo...carilah ku sayang

Mesra suaramu...kini berbeza
Gagal sembunyi sedih
kenangan lalu menusuk jiwa
manis seindah berganti pedih

Carilah aku dalam hatimu
Sayang sebutlah kau rindu...ooo...
Hanya...pintaku
Kasihmu kekal setia
Usah biarku...ooo...
Terus terluka

Pabila bersamamu debaran
Darah arus mengalir cinta
Lahir selamanya
Berilah...kucupan sayang
Biar terulir wajah...kasih tercipta
Berilah...kucupan sayang
Biar terulir wajah...kasih tercipta

Ooo...kasih tercipta
Kini ku mengerti
Walau berbisa
kurela kiranya kau bahgia
Aaaa....

Tears fall in my heart by Paul Verlain

2007-07-03T09:10:00.000+08:00

Il pleure dans mon coeur
Comme il pleut sur la ville;
Quelle est cette langeur
Qui pénètre mon coeur?

Ô bruit doux de la pluie
Par terre et sur les toits!
Pour un coeur qui s'ennuie
Ô le chant de la pluie!

Il pleure sans raison
Dans ce coeur quit s'écoeure
Quoi! nulle trahison?...
Ce deuil est sans raison.

C'est bien la pire peine
De na savoir pourquoi,
Sans amour et sans haine,
Mon coeur a tant de peine!

English... Anyone?

2007-07-01T22:14:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, 2nd July 2007 will be another new chapter in my teaching life. I had just finished redoing the school schedule and due to shortage of English teachers in my school, I had voluntarily offered myself to teach EST (English in Science and Technology). Me teaching English? Huh!! In my five years teaching, I had only teach Mathematics (5 years), Additional Mathematics (4 years), Rekacipta (Innovation-4 years) and Science (6 months).

To tell you the truth, when I first applied for KPLI (Kursus Perguruan Lepasan Ijazah) I was between two choices, English or Maths. But I choose Maths at last. But now I ended teaching English - well some sort of English though. Been thinking of changing my contact lenses to blue color hehehehhehehe. So wish me luck key. Thanks.

Cooking again

2007-06-30T05:48:00.000+08:00

It is now 5.49am, azan subuh had just been heard from the nearby surau. I had just finished cooking which I started about an hour ago. Well cooking is one of my passion. I had been cooking since 7 years old and had fallen in love with it since. Cooking is a sort of therapy for me if only someone else did the cleaning up hehehhehehehehe. I really need this therapy just to cool off myself. I had a very rough day yesterday and canceling my diving trip do contribute to my increasing stress level.

We are having pot luck today, that is why I dragged myself from bed this early. I actually want to cook it last night but my dad dragged me to be his chauffeur last night. Few days ago, one of the senior teachers (one of the teachers I don't like) had informed me about this with a very cheerful and loving voice as if telling me... "Lily cook something good for us!!". I do admit I am one of the main contributor for every pot luck at school, looking at people enjoying the food I cooked is just a wonderful feeling but I don't like to be force on doing something. The rebellious part within me will come out when I was forced to do something. Since I don't like her, I nearly end up not cooking anything but due to a special request from my 'adik' I had cooked something. Ermmm... maybe that is why my parents had never forced me to get married hehehheehhehe.

The menu for today is Spaghetti Bolognese. My 'adik' requested me to cook it. I was ready to do the grocery when I found out my parents were at Giant, Kuantan yesterday. So via phone I ask my mom to buy the ingredients I needed. My mom had actually made a mistake on buying the wrong type of cheese. Instead of the usual Mozzarella or Parmesan, she bought Romano, anyhow I like the outcome though. Oppsss... I think I had not put in something, never mind it is not that important.

So another cheap therapy session for me today. I am actually smiling again, for the time being.

Closing my eyes...

2007-06-29T11:26:00.000+08:00

Closing my eyes,
I could see a myself,
In a new different world,
Peace, quite, calm and beautiful.

Closing my eyes,
I could feel myself,
In the real world,
Restless, tired, frustrated and sad,
Trying my best to keep my sanity.

Closing my eyes,
I could hear my heart screaming,
Trying to tell something,
Something that I deny,
Aching, lost, scared and lonely,
Trying my best to give the best.

Closing my eyes,
I could feel two different world,
Clashing inside me,
Where should I go,
What should I do,
Closing my eyes again,
Trying to forget everything.

%##$$%#^$#^(&$#%#

2007-06-28T15:59:00.000+08:00

I AM TIRED! I AM FRUSTRATED! I AM SAD! I WANNA CRY! I AM FALLING APART!

Fools Rush In - The Sign

2007-06-27T15:54:00.000+08:00

It is a 1996 movie. I watched it before and last week I watched it again when it is on astro. If you notice, Salma Hayek believes in this 'sign' thingy. When Matthew Perry moved back to NY, there was a priest telling him that he is lost and need to follow the signs. After that he kept seeing signs which had actually made him came back to Salma Hayek.

I have been talking about signs in few of my post. It is either I had been extra sensitive or not, there are few signs that I had noticed. Signs that actually could change my life. Should I pay extra attention to all this signs or should I pass?

My Gurlz Rocks-Night of the soulful princess

2007-06-24T21:40:00.000+08:00

After the Hari Guru Peringkat Daerah ends, I drove straight to my grandparents house in Tanjung Gemuk. Feeling a bit sleepy, well I slept at 4.00am the day before, enjoying myself chatting with my friends, I took a nap. Around 4 pm we started our journey back as my parents need to attend a "kenduri arwah" and myself needs to attend a meeting.

I received a sms reminding me about the Srikandi night held on the same night. Yat also called asking either I am going or not. I don't really wanna to attend the meeting so I agreed on attending the Srikandi night. Remembered my students had asked me to dress up, I decided to wear my green baju kurung kedah with a black slack, a green and black scarf tied at the back. Put on some make up (in a hurry). I offered my princess to join me, she quickly agrees as actually she was very sleepy. Even as I put some eyeshadow on her she nearly fell asleep. She also puts on her party dress.

The princess and me

When I arrived at the hall, I was quite surprised, few tables had been rearrange as runaway. Heheheheheheh I knew that there is a beauty competition and it really looks like a beauty pageant set up. Other girls (bigger girls - form 3, 4 and 5) had dress up as well, still in their baju kurung and tudung, they put on make up and they look beautiful. The opening start with a group of girls dancing and at the same time introducing the finalist of the Busana Muslimah Beauty Pageant.

The finalist

Izah (right) won the tittle. She is our head girl!!

We could see their talents and at the same time we could see that they are under extreme pressure. They let them self loose that night and we supported them (well Yat and I do...). Staying in a boarding school is not an easy thing. I remembered my younger days at school, luckily I was in a girls school so we could let ourself loose easily. In a coed school it is totally different and plus this school is more to religion oriented.

Iman...the winner of the singing competition. She's one of my A star students.

The night ended with a hindustan joget lambak. Just after few teachers left, Yat and I joined them. I had the chance to walk on the runway (on the students request) hehehhehehe. I had a great time. Now I know my gurlz rocks!!

ps: I told them, next year they need to add another category/competition... for teachers!!

Tokoh Guru (Kepimpinan) Daerah Rompin 2007

2007-06-24T19:38:00.000+08:00

Teaching had been the main profession from both side of my family, it is in our blood. My grandfather from my dad's side is a retired head master. A number of my aunties and uncles are teachers and it started to go down to the line of my cousins and my siblings. All three girls in this family are teachers (and teacher to be). I was born in a school, the warden's house to be precise. I was brought up in the education environment, from one school to another and various departments in the Ministry of Education. I had never imagine I will be a teacher, but the two years in the private sector had made me realized the education world is where I belong. I had just celebrated my fifth anniversary in teaching (17.6.2007) and I am still madly in love to it. It made my life living and kicking, which make me wake up in the morning having something to look forward too. It is not an easy job as we face a lot of obstacles, the school politics, the 'raging' students etc (difficult to get any leave for diving trips is my personal problem hehehhehehehe)

Yesterday (Saturday-23.6.2007) my dad was awarded Tokoh Guru (Kepimpinan) Daerah Rompin. So I would like to share the special moments here.

8.00 am... Abah, Emak and I started our journey to Muadzam Shah as the ceremony is held at SMKA Pahang, Muadzam Shah. I was appointed as the official chauffeur and photographer.

8.15 am... Stopped for breakfast at the famous Restaurant Zaman. Huh!!! I am on diet!!!

9.10 am... Started moving again. My dad had spent his own sweet time talking to his friends. When he realized that we were a bit late. So he had asked me to speed up. Hehehhehehehe that is once a blue moon opportunity. I stepped on the pedal and started driving 110 - 140 km/h on the federal road. Abah... If there's any speeding tickets for this you are going to pay.

9.45 am... We arrived on time. The 45-60 minutes drive only took 30 minutes. The VIP for the ceremony arrived minutes later.

10.00 am... The ceremony started with few speeches and the opening ceremony gimmick. We were later being entertained with few song from the choir.Emak and Abah citing their oath

10.45 am... The first round of awards were given to schools around Rompin district.

11.00 am... Cute pre-school students perform their stage performance. We had enjoyed laughing as all the mistakes done looks so cute.Dancing Ulek Mayang

11.30 am... The award for Tokoh Guru (Kepimpinan) and Tokoh Guru. They had played a short clip of pictures as they were reading Abah's profile. Abah's profile was quite long they don't have the time to tell about us... hehehhehehehehehehe

Listening to the profile read by the MC

Receiving the award

12.00 noon... The ceremony ends and we were served lunch.

The same award had been given to my grandfather in 1989. I think the legacy goes on. For a personal note, I would like to wish congratulation to him. All this 31 years living with him, saw how he works, he deserved this award.

To any Stfians reading this post, I met our 'favorite' CNN (Cik Norley Nordin).. she is a Puan Norley Nordin now. She is the GPK 1 at the school hosting this ceremony.

1st from left CNN aka Puan Norley Nordin

It was a beautiful dream

2007-06-20T10:18:00.000+08:00

6.40 am... My mom tried woke me up again, for the third time. Still very sleepy, I grabbed my towel and head to the shower. Took a quick bath and rushed for Subuh as the syuruk was very near.

7.15 am... As I entered the school gate, s**t... there is an assembly. I could see the kids lined up in the hall and few teachers running to the hall. I parked my car at the open space, grabbed my ID card and my hand phone, ran straight to the office, punched in and quickly heading to the hall. S**t again, I had forgotten my blazer!! Never mind... I will find somewhere at the back row to hide.

7.45 am... The big boss walked in, s**t... what took him so long to be here. The kids were restless in their lines and the teachers started to dozed off, still very tired from yesterday closing ceremony. The assembly started like usual, singing, recite the prayer, reports and at last the big boss took the mic. S**t... this will be a long assembly, I was nearly half asleep when he announced school will end at 10 am. Huh!! This is too good to be true. I smsed my two best friend, Mat and Yati planning something evil. "Let's go to KL... just for fun". Yati agreed on the spot but Mat took his time to agree on it.

10.00 am... The students had been dismissed from school, the teachers started to pack up and I had started screaming to my best friends to move. I drove back home, changed my clothes, changed my car, called my mum... "Mak... nak gi KL"... "Buat apa?"... "Saja jalan-jalan and nak cari barang"... "Gi tengok Pak Chang sekali"... "Ha... ok gak tuh... boleh jenguk Pak Chang"... Beyond her approval, I drove back to school, picked Yati and Mat and headed to KL.

1.00 pm... stopped at Temerloh RnR. Bought patin for Muzie and Yan... "Yat... aku ni mimpi ke Yat?"

1.45 pm... stopped at Genting Sempah RnR. Mat bought some chessnut.

2.30 pm... Paid the Gombak Toll. "Yat... aku ni mimpi yer?? Dah sampai KL ni.."

3.00 pm... Arrived at Midvalley, checked in at My KTV. 3 hours of karaokeing.

6.00 pm... stopped at The Dive Shop. Ordered a BARE Velocity Sky Blue. Bought a birthday present for Tenko.

6.15 pm... stopped at MPH. Searched high and low for a book and at last being told the book is still in the warehouse... S**T

6.30 pm... headed to Selangor Medical Center where Pak Chang is warded due to heart problem. Arrived there around 7.15 pm. Stayed around an hour, few of my uncles were there too.

8.15 pm... headed to Ampang where I am supposed to meet Muzie. Called Tenko to confirm the place and Tenko wanted to tag along.

9.00 pm... Arrived at Bandar Tasik Selatan LRT station where I am supposed to pick Tenko. She took the wrong train. Need to wait a bit longer.

9.17 pm... Yan called asking where I was. I was still stucked at Bandar Tasik Selatan waiting for Tenko. After Tenko arrived, I started moving while catching up with Tenko with the latest news (as if I haven't heard from her for quite sometimes hehehehehhehe)

9.40 pm... Arrived at Suzy's Conner, Yan had already finished eating. Muzie and I ordered pasta while Tenko, Mat and Yat ordered Nan with Tandoori Chicken. The pasta was superb!! Yan and Abang joined us. Abang ordered some sate. Chatting while enjoying our dinner... Yat was the only non diver there so she had a bit tough time hehehehehhehe.

11.00 pm... Finally had the chance to start moving. I would love to chat longer but thinking of the three hours journey back home, I realized it was time. After changing good byes (luckily Muzie agreed to take Tenko home) I drove straight back to Kuantan. It was raining all the way through. Before Yat and Mat fell asleep again I asked the same question... "Am I dreaming?" I smiled in the pitch black. Smiling to myself. It felt good... damn good!!

2.00 am... finally arrived home safely. Am I dreaming?? If it is a dream, it was a beautiful dream. Still smiling to myself, I fell asleep the moment my head touched the pillow, without any dreams till my alarm clock buzzed at 6.30am. It is another day for me and it is no dream.

Another Job Done

2007-06-18T17:20:00.000+08:00

From the 16th till today, 18th June 2007, my school hosted the 9's under 16 Hockey Tournament for SBP (Sekolah Berasrama Penuh). 20 teams from 16 different school had took part representing their zone. My ex-school, Sekolah Tun Fatimah is one of team. I had been asked to help out the technical team and emergency team.

STF bus

Hockey is one of my favorite game, I actually grew up on the hockey field. My dad was a hockey coach when he was younger. I do think I started walking on a hockey field. So hockey is not something new for me.

As one of the technical team I spent a lot of time at the technical 'cage' mingling around the umpires and technical officers and they are all teachers actually. Feeling a bit naughty, I flirted one of the umpires... hehhehehehehhe it has been ages since I last did that. Is it a sign? I would like to commit that I felt good errmmm felt like 10 years younger hehehhehehehe.

My Favorite umpire.. Mr S... cute eh?
Him again (in black)

Last night there was a formal dinner to celebrate the contingents sponsored by the State of Pahang. I felt like playing dressed up, I put on one of my best baju kurung, spent an hour on make up and offered myself to usher the VVIPs. It has been quite sometimes since I last did that. Especially after I hooked on photography, well what is the use of looking nice if you don't have your own picture taken and as a photographer, I need to wear comfy attire.

Me and Yat
Me and Nazir

Since I was well dressed up, I gave my D200 to one of my students, praying that nothing will happen to it and he could take good pictures. I had just finished uploading the pictures, he had 60% picture well taken.

SSP (in green) and SMS Dungun (in red)

SERATAS (in yellow) vs SMS Johor (in black)

The finals was this morning, SSP vs SMS Dungun for the girls team, SMS Dungun won 1 - 0. The boys team was between SMS Johor and SERATAS, SERATAS won on penalty stroke 3 - 2. I am tired but very happy. Before the tournament ended, I had the chance to take a picture with the STF team, Ibah.. they say hie. I told them.. once an STFians always an STFians.

The STF Team

My Birthdate...

2007-06-14T14:29:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: January 9

You are a born idealist, with more pet causes than you can count.
You prefer be around others, both when working and while relaxing.
Generous and giving, you believe you can change the world one person at a time.
You're open minded and tolerant. People feel like they can tell you anything.

Your strength: Your go-with-the-flow flexibility

Your weakness: Your flair for the over dramatic

Your power color: Pine green

Your power symbol: Circle

Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Adik Mi's Wedding - Perlis June 2007

2007-06-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

Due to a special request, I am writing this blog for a friend. I am in between classes now so I hope I could finish this on time. Before my trip to Padang, I had attended a wedding at Perlis. It was Adik Mi's wedding, he is my best friend (anida) youngest brother. I had actually made a promise to Adik Mi five years back that I will attend his wedding and thanks to Allah, I had the chance to fulfill my promise. The actual plan was I am going with Tenko (arnida) but due to personal reason she had to cancel the trip. I was actually not that healthy the day before the trip and nearly canceling it too but again thanks to Allah I made it.

The journey started off bad. The traffic was bad that weekend. Luckily I popped in a flu tablet and it made me sleep like a baby. Whenever I opened my eyes, I could see long lines of cars beside the bus. When the bus stopped for a break, I think it was at 3.00 am, the RnR (I didn't know which...heheheheh) was like a funfair. The car park was full, people everywhere, I continued my sleep and didn't bother to get off the bus.

My phone rang at 6.00 am, Anida called because she was furious that I have not called her to inform my arrival. How can I call her since I did not arrive yet. Finally I arrived at Kangar around 6.30 am after 8 hours on the bus.. waaaa the traffic must be very bad then. Anida arrived few minutes later in her new car.

The iron ladies, Kak Cak, Che Gayah and Anida

Anida and Adam

It was good to see her again. The last time I met her was last year. She looks good and still the very same Anida I remembered. We filled the drive home talking unstop. There is so many to talk about. When I arrived to her mom's house, people had started to work for the kenduri. The last time I paid my visit to her mom's house, the house was still in the process of renovation and it has become a very beautiful house with a beautiful "Pondok" besides it. Anida's hubby is an interior designer, so he had renovated the house.

The beautiful pondok

We spent every moment possible to catch up on the latest news. When Adam woke up (Anida's son) I was surprised to see him. He had grew so big and even Anida admits it that Adam is considered as an obese baby. The same thing when I met Adik Mi, he had turned to be a handsome lad, whenever I looked at him, I remembered the old times when he had make his parents headache with all sort of problems. He had turned out to be a good man indeed.

Adam

Adik Mi

The best part of this visit is that I look forward for the feast. The food for the feast is a set of traditional dishes, Gulai Daging, kerabu, Ikan kering, Ulam-ulam and sambal. Huh... by thinking about it made me hungry. It was a very big feast, knowing Anida's dad I had expected a large crowd. Nearly 5000 thousands guest flooded the house from 11 am till 5.30 pm.

The Food-yummy

The couple

It was a tiring journey, I took a bus back the next morning which took me 10 hours to reach KL. But being back to that side of the country made me smile again. The northern part of the country had always have a spot in my heart. I love it there and sometimes I felt I belong there. Maybe the five years living there had made my heart grew fond to the place, the food and so many more. I will try to upload the pictures to my flickr soon. To Adik Mi and his beloved wife, I wish you the best.

My Padang-Bukit Tinggi Part 1

2007-06-13T22:44:00.000+08:00

Well I am going to do this report in few parts.

The idea of this trip had been in my dad's mind since our trip to Medan last year. When Air Asia offered free seats, we took the opportunity to go for it. We paid RM175 for the tax per person. After persuading my dad's friend, his wanna to join the trip with 12 other family members. So I had self appointed myself the group leader heheheheheheh. With the help of Zues, a good friend of mine, he had arranged the ground package of RM495 for adults and RM295 for kids below 12 years old. This includes the transportation, full board food (breakfast, lunch and dinner), accommodation for 4 nights and tourist guides. Cool huh!! And the best thing is, my dad paid all for the family hehehhehehehe...

Our journey starts very early on the 5th June. The whole group checked in on time and the flight was on time. We depart at 7.50 a.m Malaysia time and arrived at Minangkabau International Airport at 8.00 a.m W.I.B. The airport is a small but beautiful airport. Holding it's Minangkabau identity by using the buffalo horns shaped roof. The airport is a new airport replacing the old one, Tabing Airport which had been turned to a military airport.

At the first restaurant

Before we landed, I could not help noticing the beautiful islands along the coast near Padang which later I got to know it is the Mentawaii group of islands. The first thing that pops into my mind... any diving spots down there?? hehehhehehe

We were greeted by Pak Pandi, our tourist guide. After both groups (my group-18pax and there is another group, lead by a good friend of my dad-20pax) had got through the immigration counter we went straight to the bus.

We stopped at a restaurant to freshen up at have something to eat. The early flight made us very hungry anyhow I had my share of Maggie Mee on the flight. Our first stop for the trip was Lembah Anai Waterfall. The waterfall is situated just beside the road and the water was so damn cold. The local people claimed that the water could help us to look younger if we wash our face using it. Well I do think any plastic surgery doctor will to think twice if they wanna open an outlet nearby hehehheheheheh.

Lembah Anai Waterfall

My Family in front of the waterfall. From left - my mom, kamm(the 4th),
kamil (the youngest) and my dad.

After taking few shots there, we started to move again. After nearly an hour, we stopped for lunch. Nasi Padang comes from Padang. The concept of Nasi Padang is it will be served with numerous kind of dishes. It comes in small amount for each dish but for every serving for 6pax they serve nearly 8 different dishes. It is very enjoying to have the opportunity to taste 8 to 10 different dishes per serving. The name of the restaurant is Pak Datuk, Dumai's branch.

Our lunch at Restauran Pak Datuk

Then not far from the restaurant, we had our first taste of shopping in Bukit Tinggi. Bukit Tinggi is well known for it's embroideries and and handicrafts. We stopped at three different shops, selling mostly the same thing but different quality and price. The makcik-makcik really enjoyed the shopping spree. I only buy the things I wanna buy. After the three stops we went to Kampung Pandai Sikek. A small village where the villagers made songket for a living.

I will stop for now... Will post more soon. See you guys... Nite-nite

I'm Back...

2007-06-09T20:52:00.001+08:00

Landed at LCCT exactly 10.10am, 30 minutes ahead of the scheduled time. The trip was splendid, a lot of good food, beautiful sceneries, good historical informations, enjoyed the shopping spree there but it is good to be home.

I will process the pictures later and write the full report later. I need my sleep just to be awake later tonight to watch Formula One Qualifying Session. So sleepy now. I really miss my friends, my blog and Malaysia Food!!

My Boy

2007-06-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

Well... I had waited the second when the clock strike 12. Had been waiting for today just to make few wishes. Before I do that I would like to share something.

My Boy

This is my boy, Mirza, well don't get me wrong, he is not my biological child. He is one of my best friend's child. When he was less than two months old, I had been assigned to take him back to Kuala Lumpur. He has a twin, a girl, Amni. His mother had a tough time raising both kids at one time. So I was asked to take him to his auntie. His parents are staying at Sandakan, Sabah.

I had flied to Sandakan one morning with my ex and came back on the same day. It was my first visit to Sandakan after leaving the town back in 1985. On my journey back to KL together with Mirza and my ex, people thought we were a family :).

Last Tuesday, at Elly's wedding I had the chance to see him again. As if we were bonded in a way it did not take a long time for him to get along with me. He loves playing with my gadgets. As he grew bigger, I could say he has his father's look while Amni has her mom's. Looking at him, holding him in my hands brings a lot of memories...

PS:
1. I would like to wish Happy Anniversary to Mirza's parents, Bedah and Hafiz. Happy birthday to Hafiz.

2. Happy Birthday to a long lost beloved friend, Saiful Shahril bin Abdul Jalil. I had lost contact with him since end of 2001. How I wish I could wish him Happy Birthday. Epul... wherever you are, Happy Birthday. I miss you.
**Anyone who knows him, could you gimme some info on him. Thanks.

3. A note to my friends, I will be heading to Padang, Indonesia next Tuesday till Saturday for a family trip. I will not be able to be online from tomorrow night because I am going to attend a friend's wedding up north. Hope to be back on the net as soon as possible. I will miss you.

Now I Know...

2007-05-31T11:45:00.000+08:00

I have few photographer friends who is doing wedding photography and I heard a lot of stories about it. Since I bought my D200, there was no special wedding that I attended so I never get my D200 in full use for any weddings. Last Thursday, Elly, one of my best friend got married. She is the one I mentioned earlier in my blog "my brown lace". I was "hired" to prepared her hantaran, which she had booked three years in advance hehehhehehehehe.

I took my D200 to her house and after finished doing the last touch up for the hantaran, I got in action. She had actually hired another photographer, a part timer staying nearby. When she arrived, she was quite surprised when she saw my D200. She is using a D5o errmmm ;)

Since she is the official photographer, I gave way to her, just sitting behind her, looking at the beautiful candid moments to be captured. I love candid photos rather than a posed one. I had few beautiful shots and at this one particular shot, my picture is better than hers heheheheheh. No offense on her equipment, I am a believer that the equipments are not the main factor for a beautiful pictures. This topic had been debated for few times at few photography forums. As for me, I respected her as she had more experience in wedding photography rather than me. But I totally disagree on her price. It is to expensive. I know people do charge a lot on events like this but the price is not at par to the quality of her pictures (I've seen the engagement pictures taken by the same photographer)

Well, I like to share few shots from the wedding, the rest you can see it at my flickr.

Waiting for the moment.

Saying the prayers

The Moment

So... now i know... It is not that easy to shoot on weddings. I will do it for fun but not if being paid for. Well, if I am being paid, I will have this one commitment to my client which I may disappointed them. But... who knows... one day...

The New Look

2007-05-26T12:46:00.001+08:00

The new look, one month old today. Imran Zihni Bin Abdul Wahid

The May Babies Birthday

2007-05-26T11:32:00.002+08:00

Flowers By Kenzo for beloved Mummy

Nur Hannan Sufiyyah's cake

The Princess

Kamil's cake aka Mother's Day Cake

48

2007-05-25T23:38:00.000+08:00

This last 48 hours were damn crazee!! Yesterday my meeting ended around 4.45pm, I went straight home, picked Hannan Sufiyyah and rushed to the mall. My sister was already there waiting for both of us. We wanna buy something for Emak's birthday and since her last perfume just finished we decided wanna buy her a perfume. After making few rounds, we chose Kenzo Flower.. yeah I know it is just yesterday but we love it and it suits her. After buying it, I went to the bank (errmmmm it was payday :))later on dropped by at the store to buy coconut milk.

I arrived home around 6.30pm, after freshen up and prayed I hit the roads again and this time Emak tagged along. I paid the bank(s) another visit and searched my daddy's Power Bar. It was sold out at the Watsons we used to go. After that we went to Maxis to pay our bills and AMBank to pay my dad's credit card. We arrived home around 10pm. Suddenly I remembered that I wanna cook something for Friday's pot-luck. I never missed cooking something for pot-luck.

I rushed to Giant (luckily Giant close at 11pm) and was quite surprise that there were a crowd of shoppers at that time. I am not a frequent night goer so I am not well versed with Kuantan's night life. I finished shopping by 11pm, drove back home, prepared the stuff to cook.

While cooking, I watched American Idol's results show and at the same time making my cousin's and my best friend's hantaran. I slept around 2.45am and woke up at 5.30am to finish up my cooking.

The extra classes for the form three, four and five started today and for the form fives it is Additional mathematics. I need to teach four classes, 2 hours each and in between classes I shopped for few stuff that I need for the hantaran.

It is beyond words for me to describe how is my body feeling now. I still need to give the final touch for my cousin's hantaran because the engagement is on Sunday and they are going to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow. Wwaaarrrgggghhhh I need to get some rest and I NEED NITROGEN!! I AM GETTING CRANKY NOW!!

Mission Statement

2007-05-24T11:52:00.000+08:00

I wanted to write about this yesterday but suddenly I felt numb. Even my buddy noticed that I am not the usual me. The day before I was excited to write about this, had everything planned in my head just waiting for the time it could come out. Yesterday morning, out of nowhere I felt the numbness, slowly creeping inside me, something I haven't felt for quite sometimes. I tried to think what is the reason of yesterday numbness but couldn't find any. I even tried to explain it to one of my girlfriends but failed. But maybe my luck which made me numb... I had encountered my third strike... with in 3 weeks... huh... is it showing something?

Stop all the crap. The last few days I had made up my mind. I had been in my numb zone for quite sometime now. Errmmm one whole year to be exact. I did not control my life and I had let my life controlled me this pass years. I did not plan anything, I accepted what I had, the numbness was controlling me. I had not being "feeling" in the way I used to feel. I live my life a day at a time. How pathetic..

So for starting my new life, I had planned few things and I don't think I want to share everything here, let it be a part of me.

1. I wanna lost my weight... ermmm around xx kgs - I wanna wear my baby-tees!!
2. I don't want to wear neutral colors anymore.. I wanna wear RED!!
3. I wanna work out on something, something that I gave up few years back.
4. I wanna live my life to the fullest, life is beautiful and I am wasting it.

PS: Just wanna wish happy birthday to the May babies in my family
1. Kamil Khalili Abdullah - my youngest brother - 10th May
2. Nur Hannan Sufiyyah Abdul Wahid - my niece - 23rd May
3. Rumi binti Senin - my beloved Mom - 24th May
- May they will be bless in the coming years. I love you guys. Will post the pictures later.

The Blessing

2007-05-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

I had the chance to visit this year Book Fair at PWTC on it's last day. It is a yearly event I tried not to miss. A place full of books is another heaven on earth for me. I could just walk slowly, breathing the smell of the books and enjoyed every second of it. It is so damn peaceful, beyond words when I had the chance to be any place full of books.

This year, I bought two underwater books for kids. It is for my niece and nephews, just to give them an early taste of underwater aka poisoning them very early for them to love the underwater world hehhehehehehehehehe. Another cute baby picture book about occupation for them.

As for me myself, I treated myself with two Jude Deveraux novel, another favorite author of mine, an additional mathematics exercise book, an issue of Pesona Pengantin that I missed and a new version of Kamus Dewan.

Even though I had very limited time to read, I had finished reading The Blessing. As usual, it was a beautiful story, which made me got hooked on it. The story was about a handsome rich man who had fall in love with a woman which his younger brother love. She has a kid from her previous marriage. Her husband was a drug addict and a sober died from a car accident driven by him while he was drunk.

Amy is a different lady, not like other women Jason had dated which mostly wanted him because of his money. A woman with pride who does not want any form of sympathy. Being with her, Jason had felt something different and had fallen for her. On Christmas Eve, Jason told her that he love her and want to marry her.

For Amy, it was like the movie Pretty Woman and she does not like it. She had ran with his son and for quite some time Jason had been searching for her. They met again about 3 years after that with different story. You should read it yourself to know the ending. I would love to put my hands on the second book but I have to finish up my work first. During the school holidays perhaps. Okie dokie... Good night.

Happy Teacher's Day

2007-05-16T18:13:00.000+08:00

I just came back from a bowling tournament held by my school's Staff Club for today's Teacher's Day. Frankly speaking, within this five years I became a teacher, this is my second time I celebrated it. The first two years, I was sent for a course while other teacher's celebrating it at school. I manage to attend the third year celebration in my previous school. Last year, I was transfered on the 1st June 2006. At that time, my previous school have not celebrate it and my new school celebrated it before I was transfered (uhuk,, uhuk,, uhuk,,)

I enjoyed myself today. The celebration started with aerobics session conducted by the kids. I joined halfway and later took out my D200 to shoot around. The second session is the "sukaneka". We were divided into 6 groups and we need to go to six different stations with different games each station. The first station was the fill-in the water into the bottle with a straw. Few of my group mates had cheated in this round. We kept extra water inside our mouth so we could finish the game early.

The second station is the throwing the rubber band into the pole. This round we made few tricks too hehehhehehehehe.... The third station was the station of picking the sweets using a chopstick. To make it harder, the students had used a metal chopstick and the sweets were put in a dish full of flour. The practice on eating using chopstick was paid as I contributed a lot of points in this session.

The fourth station was the throwing the water filled balloons. We really enjoyed this one as we had the chance to get wet!! The fifth station is the scrabble session. We were asked to built as many as possible four letter words in english. This is also quite fun. The last session is the golf station, luckily we have Mamato in our group so we gave him the opportunity to score at least 18 balls as we could scored the highest points at this station. At last we managed to score more than 30 balls. We ended second in this "sukaneka". Since I wanna enjoy myself, I gave my D200 to Syazwan. One of the students who is a photographer wannabe hhehehehhehehehe. He really enjoyed taking the photos as he completely finished my 1gb CF card and turn my battery flat in just few hours.

After the sukaneka, the female teachers had our musical chair. I lost halfway and then I joined another teacher singing with the music background for the musical chair. We had a pretty good time singing while the students started screaming. I felt like a superstar hehehehehehhe... Well It is the teacher's day isn't it? It is not wrong for us to have some fun...

After the "sukaneka", we took an hour break to have our breakfast and change our clothes. After the break, we were escorted to the hall just like brides with the "kompang" and everything. The hall was beautiful decorated overnight by the students. I must gave my students a credit for this as they were sitting for their exam while preparing all this. We were given a stalk of rose and a hand towel as a token from the students. After all the speeches, it was show time. At my previous school, the kids took the opportunity to enjoy them self and the teachers just look at it. It was quite different here, the students gave the teachers to perform. I love this one poem written by an Ustazah. It was actually a poem to her kids. It was beautiful.

I took the chance to sing today. Not alone but with few other teachers. We sang "Stand By Me" and "Kau Ilhamku". The session ended around 2 p.m and we were damn hungry at the time. We had sate and nasi minyak today. By the time I ate 6 out of 10 sate, I started feeling weird. I know this must have to do with my gastric. I rushed back home to rest then rushed back to the bowling alley for the bowling tournament.

I had a great time. I will post the pictures later as I have not had the chance to go through 300++ pictures. Happy teacher's day to all teachers.

2007-05-13T13:34:00.001+08:00

I was buying something at the store when I heard this song. It is one of my favorites from Hazami. I had once played this song over and over again in the staff room till my colleagues nearly puke... hehehhehehehehehe... It is the typical me, when I am into something I will go for it. But if I not into it anymore I will just leave it behind... Ermm... This song, Mungkir Bahagia means a lot to me. The songs is about this guy dumping his girlfriend. Well.. I felt like someone sang it to me... ;-)

Ooo..
Dihimpit dicengkam rindu ini
Gerimis duka ku
Menggamit kenangan silam
Resah dan pilu menghampiri

Sunyinya malamku kelam
Pedih kemelut cinta
Dingin kelu bicara
‘Tuk mengungkap rindu

Sayangku mungkir pada kejujuranmu
Menolak segala bahgia dihadapanku
Kasihku mungkir pada kata janjiku
Berlari aku jauh dari cintamu
Kukesali

Dikanyut dilambung ombak lara
Sepiku berkelana
Melayari jiwa nestapa
Menggagahi rasa kesayuan

Leburlah harapan cinta
Namun kesetiaanmu
Kugenggam bagai hukuman
Mengheret langkahku

Maafkan daku
Kekasih hati cinta kita berakhir
Maafkan daku
Kerna ku memungkirinya

Maafkan daku
Kekasih hati cinta jadi begini
Maafkan daku
Ku mungkir bahagia

Here It Comes...

2007-05-11T09:40:00.000+08:00

There it is... One by one piling on my desk... No!!!!! Not again!!!!! Here it comes, again... piles of answer sheets to be marked!!! Just finished marking the march exam paper and again I am marking the mid-year papers... WUUAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!

(YOU WANT TO) MAKE A MEMORY - BON JOVI

2007-05-10T04:14:00.000+08:00

Bon Jovi is one of my favorite singer since my early schooldays. I had heard this song during American Idol-Bon Jovi week and fell in love with the song instantly. Enjoy it.

Hello again, it's you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life's mysteries

How's your life, it's been a while
God it's good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don't know if you should stay
If you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be

You wanna make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had.
It's bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing I don't wanna ask

If you go now, I'll understand
If you stay, hey, I've got a plan
We're gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

If you don't know if you should stay
And you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be
We Should be

You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory? (x2)

Starry Night

2007-05-04T21:52:00.000+08:00

Tonight,
When I stared at the sky,
It was starry,
I smiled to myself.

The last time,
I stared a starry night,
I was alone,
On a beach,
Enjoying every second,
Forgetting all my worries,
Wiped away all my tears,
I smiled to myself.

Tonight,
The memories,
On that beach,
Came back,
I smiled to myself.

Now,
I am smiling,
Counting the days,
Walking by the beach again,
So I could stare the starry night,
With peace in my heart,
I smiled to myself.

Sleepless Nights

2007-05-02T01:25:00.000+08:00

I had been sleepless since my dive trip to Redang. I slept around 2-4 hours per night which is lesser than my usual beauty sleep time. I started sleeping early when I started being a teacher. This few weeks you could catch me on-line at YM as late as 2 am and as early as 4 am. You could find my name in the on-line list at MUW or Photomalaysia in the wee hour nearly every night.

What did I do?? Ermm... I had the time to add up few things on my blogspot, chat with my mid-night friends (I had started adding my collection of midnight chatters heheheheheheh) and I had enough time to check on my friends blog and photos where few of it could make me stare for hours (maybe that's the reason why).

Last weekend, I was in charge taking care of 136 17 years old teenagers for two nights at a hotel in the middle of Kuantan town. Every night after their last workshop, Kak Aizar, Mamato and I would inspect at the nearby Mamak Restaurant and then checked their apartments and rooms. The inspection usually last around 1am, after that, I would not know what will happen to them. I woke up very early every morning to make sure the kids behave well during breakfast and be ready on time for the first workshop. I was reminded by someone that I am not a superwoman so I would try my best to do my work and not overdoing it. Thanks... I slept less than 6 hours for the 3days 2nights course.

This few days, my nights were also sleepless taking care of baby Imran. Huh!! I am not complaining but my body is not functioning well due to all this. I will try my best to get a good night sleep tomorrow night before the school starts again on Thursday. Well, it is already near 2am. I should try to sleep. Good night.

Welcome on board Imran .....

2007-05-01T05:02:00.000+08:00

The latest addition to the family. Imran .... (i put the dots because his parents haven't decide the second name yet :D) was born on the 27th April (the third April baby in my family) on 9.55 am weighing 3.7kg after a successful cesarean operation at the Kuantan Specialist Hospital. He looks exactly like his older brother, Eusoffe Khalili (1 year and 9 months) but I do really hope he won't cry like Eusoffe hehehehehehe.

His older sister, Nur Hannan Suffiyah accepted him well as she is old enough to appreciate the new born while Eusoffe had some issue on this. He is still very young to accept all this and being very close to his mother makes the scenario worsen. He had actually beaten Imran few times. And just few hours ago both of Imran and Eusoffe cried for their mother's attention. It made the whole house sleepless hehehehehehheeh.

For the time being, while the holiday is on, I took care of Imran at night with the help of my mom. Just to make sure my sister had enough sleep so she could regain her health soon. Her Master's second semester examination is just around the corner and her assignments are due very soon.

Welcome on board Imran, I love you.

Am I Smiling Again?

2007-04-27T01:20:00.000+08:00

It had been quite a while since I smile, really.. really smile.. The smile that comes within me. The purest, the happiest smile. I used to have the moments that I really smiled but frankly I forgot when was the last time I smiled that way. These few days I started smiling again. Smiling to myself while driving, while in the toilet (hehehehehe) , while waiting patiently my students doing their maths exercise. Well I felt like 15kg lighter (hehehehhehehe... really hope that I am 15 kg lighter). I even smile while I am sleeping... I felt good and I hope this smile will be with me for a longer period. Is it wrong for me to smile again? I hope not.. Good night.. I love you guys (and gals)

Another Therapeutical Weekend

2007-04-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

I was prepared for the diving trip seven days earlier. My swimming suit, the sun block, fins, mask, snorkel, booties etc were arranged neatly in the bags. I had been reading a lot on the diving sites at Redang, just to make sure what I should expect before I started exploring the dive sites there.

Mamato and I started our journey around 11.40 am where I was worrying sick for us not arriving on time. Luckily the road was clear and we arrived on time. I was so excited and did not eat anything all morning. We took the ferry from Shahbandar Jetty. The jetty at the heart of Kuala Terengganu. Later I found out that the ferry from that jetty will stop at this one side of Redang Island while the ferry from Kuala Merang will stop at the other side.

From the jetty, a boat from Mozana Beach Resort picked us. We were given our room keys and I met Halimi for the first time. Halimi is the one who offered us to joint him and his wife for this dive trip. He owns a dive center in Bangi (oceanelements). We got to know each other through a photography forum.

We decided not to dive that day because it was nearly 5 pm when we arrived. I took out my diving gears to snorkel at the beach in front of my room. After taking my bath, I had few chats with Mamato until dinner. We had a simple dinner but for me, the island atmosphere had made it very appetizing. After dinner, we visited the Redang Kalong Resort and continued chatting with Halimi and Muzie later on.

I woke up quite late that morning, missed the sunrise but in time to join them for breakfast. After breakfast Mamato took his refreshing course. After that, we went for a dive at Terumbu Kili. The current was quite bad and I had this bad experience with current which made me a bit nervous. I had difficult time to descent but as soon as I descended Mamato had few problems so Dive Abort!!.

I had joined another two dives that day, one at Pulau Lima and the other one at Stingray City where we saw the famous one-eyed stingray. I had the chance to watch a nudibranch. But I missed the mating nudibranch because I was 'chasing' a school of fish. Thanks to Kamal for the two dives, who had a rough time taking care of me. That night Halimi downloaded few pics from his D70 and he had posted some at MalaysianUnderWater and his flickr. Beautiful pics!! After chatting with them I decided to take the night off earlier so I could wake up earlier that morning.

I woke up just on time, so this trip I had few sunrise pics. After breakfast, we went for another dive, today at Pulau Kerengga Kecil. Thanks to Macha, I had a great time diving eventhough I was low on air. We took the 1 pm ferry back to KT and arrived Kuantan around 6pm. I was quite tired but enjoyed every moment there.

To tell you the truth, whenever I back rolled to dive , I had this thing in my mind cursing my self how stupid I am doing all this crazy things but after a while, when I started swimming with the fishes then I will smile to myself, forgetting all the curses I made earlier. It is just beautiful down there and frankly I enjoyed diving with other divers who had the same passion. It will be soon enough for my next dive trip... You just wait...

(left) the day light

(middle) sunset

(right) sunrise

(left) the low tide

(middle) the footsteps of a loner

(right) the loner

Camping Trip, Sungai Mas, Sungai Lembing

2007-04-17T22:53:00.000+08:00

I have not joined any camping trip for ages. My school days back in KL, we use to camp at the school field so it was quite a turn-off. I had started camping since I was 5 years old, back in the days we were at the State. Every long holidays will be filled by a camping trip with few other Malaysian's studying at my dad's university.

When my school planned this camping trip, I was not that excited. I was in the education-module making committee. Well this camping trip is also a community service to the Orang Asli at Sungai Mas. The main reason for this trip is to motivate the Orang Asli to emerge from their comfort zone. They live a simple life, too simple for me.

Even though I am in the education committee and my slot is only on Saturday night and Sunday morning I decided to give a hand to the food committee. They need to prepare food for 120 people that includes our staff, our students, students from SK Sg Mas and their staff. I was stuck in the kitchen the whole camping trip, even people thought that I was one of the food committee. It was tiring but enjoying weekend.

I did not have the chance to explore Sg Mas area to shoot because I was so damn tired. I had the chance to take a dip at Sg Mas though. A very clean and refreshing river which comes straight from Gunung Tapis. I even tell my friends it is an Au De Natural Jakuzi. I enjoyed taking my bath their until I forgot to take some pictures there. I was so eager for this weekend diving trip so I took my basic diving gears and use it there. Hehehhehehehe.. The pictures I posts here were from the scene of the education slot. My students helped me a lot but they enjoyed it. At least they know how difficult it is to teach and educate someone.

In less then 24 hours, I am going to hit the road to my diving trip. I will post my stories later.

(left) : the teachers peeling onions

(middle) : casino type game to learn how to add and subtract

(right) : one of my star student's teaching one of the kids

(left) : one of my student's showing interesting places in Malaysia. Just to give a better view to the outside world.

(right) : playing monopoly to increase their self esteem and understand the world of trading.

Therapeutical Weekend

2007-04-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

I know that I have been complaining a lot about my stress level which is already reaching to one dangerous point so I decided to take a break. My friends had been talking about attending STFOGA AGM (STF Old Girls Association) on the 31st March so I decided to join them this time. I have a good excuse too, I need to drive back my dad's car which he left at KL.

I took a bus to KL. Arrived at Pekeliling Station around 5.00pm. Took another bus to my house. The traffic was terrible that day. I arrived home about 2 hours later. Pick up my dad's car keys and directly I drove to Midvalley Megamall. I picked up Tenko at Bangsar lrt station and had a nice sinful and fulfilling dinner at Kenny Roger's. I took Tenko to Midvalley Fotokem because she is looking for an PnS and underwater casing. Matt and her wanna try underwater photography. Later then we went to Jaya Jusco to buy something and since it was nearly 10.00pm we started moving. I sent her to Hajar's mother in law's house at Kelana Jaya. Tenko and her mother are going to Kota Kinabalu the next day.

I arrived home around 12pm. Settle the laundry, tidy up the house a bit and went to sleep with the tv set on. I woke up that morning, fold the laundry and then I went to Midvalley again. This time I wanna search for my stuffs since I don't have the opportunity to look for it the night before. It was still very early when I arrived, the stores were just opened. I went to Roxy, the store was on sale, I bought a bikini. I went to the Dive Shop next, bought some diving stuff and went straight to the exhibition hall. There was a travel fair held there. My friend, zul had a booth and I dropped by just to say hello. I suddenly realized that I was so hungry, went to the food court, got a bite and start shopping again.

After drained up my wallet and credit card, I went to Saloma Bistro for STFOGA AGM. Changed my clothes and helped out my friend at the counter. It was my first AGM, enjoyed every minute of it, meeting with my friends, my seniors (which I had never met), my juniors etc. It was raining when the meeting ended and we went straight to Quality Hotel, checked in and waited for my friend to arrive.

After cleaning up, pray etc, we went to Sogo for dinner. When everyone had arrived, we went to Sogo Redbox. We booked for three hours but ended singing for four hours. I enjoyed it so much, I ended with a sore throat. As we came out from Sogo, people had started lining up at the side of the road waiting for the street race. We continued talking till wee hour in the morning.

When we woke up, we decided to have lunch at Quality Hotel, dim sum buffet. I love dim sum so much and enjoyed every bite I took. After lunch, we checked out and I went straight to Zul's new house. Went back straight to my house, pick up few things and drove back home. It was quite sometime since I last drove alone and smiling all the way through. I had so much fun this weekend.

Going Diving Again

2007-03-28T13:18:00.000+08:00

The season for diving had started for the east coast side. My friends had started diving again and kept telling me the stories of the underwater world. I just took my diving licience last year after few times postponing it. It was my brother who really want to take it that time so I followed. We went to Perhentian Island. I had never been there, so does my brother so it was a good choice. He insisted to go to Perhentian actually. I was trained by two master divers. One from Germany and another from Slovak. It took us 4 days and 3 nights to get the licience.

It is a beautiful world down there. Beyond words. You will only understand it when you had tried it. My life this few week were a mess. I had gone to the limits that my body allows it. I just need a break and I wanna go diving!!!. I had few invitations to joint few diving trips but my weekends are almost full with activities. (Who ever dare say that teacher's work is easy!!) Eventhough my schedule is very tight, I had made up my mind to join a friend's invitation to go diving. It is going to Pulau Redang this time. It will be sometime next month.

I wanna try underwater photography as soon I could dive well, I am going to take the course for it. Wanna combine both of my hobbies together eventhough it will cost me a bomb hehehehehehehheeh. I just could not wait to swim with the fishes again. I even had took out my sun block to make sure i have everything before I go for the trip. I just wanna buy a new swimsuit this weekend. To celebrate the new season.

Pictures info:
Up left - the dive centre in Perhentian that I took my licience. Offers very good price for courses and diving at Perhentian. Click here for info.

Up right - me in action

Down middle - isn't it beautiful!!

My Brown Gold Lace

2007-03-17T19:23:00.000+08:00

Few years back, when I was madly in love, I stumbled upon a brown-gold lace when I was walking by a shop at Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. I went inside the shop and I was mesmerized with it. Being a brown lover it was a must buy thing. I did not buy it that day but it kept haunting me day by day and at last I went back to the shop and bought it.

I was still unsure about my future love life but I bought it somehow so if in case he finally proposed so at least I had a piece ready. Well my love life did not go well as planned. Due to few problems and misundestanding we broke off. I kept the material well inside my 'treasure chest'. Last week I opened my 'treasure chest' after quite sometimes since I last opened it. I took the material out, well not for me to send it to the tailor but for my best friend. She had found her true love after a series of heart breaking session.

I remembered a saying, the best thing in life is to give away the thing that you love, so I am giving it away. I am more than willing to give it away and I hope the very best for her. Maybe the material is a bit out dated but she is going to wear it on her wedding day. Thanks Elly, I love you, I hope you will have a beautiful future ahead. Amin

Genting Highlands

2007-03-02T18:55:00.000+08:00

I started my journey a bit late on Wednesday. I was excused from my classes on that day but I insisted on continuing my lessons that day. I rushed back after 2.15pm, packed my things and picked up my colleague around 3.00pm. We had a nice chat along the way, mostly talking about work, school and the problems which had made us a bit tensed lately. It rained on the way, we did not made any stops.

As we arrived at Genting Sempah, it was a bit cloudy due to the rain. As we drove up the condition got worst. I barely could see, luckily the road going up to Genting is much better than last time. The fog was very thick, I drove as slow as I could and I was relieved when I arrived at Seri Malaysia Genting Highlands.

After checking in, I had dinner and after that I drove my colleague, Ayu to the top of Genting Highlands. It was Ayu's first time going up there. Driving up the hilly road brought back a lot of memories. I had once drove up there with someone very special. Since my then, I had went there twice. So I realised that I could not live with memories. If I did, I could have not drive up there again. It is how we should live our life. Face ahead eventhough the memories are pulling us back. I am moving ahead, maybe a step at a time, but I am moving.

Tonight

2007-02-28T04:44:00.000+08:00

I slept around one a.m after listening over and over again the song I posted earlier. I suddenly woke up at 3.55 am and I could not sleep again. Tried to sleep again but I still could not sleep. So I am here again infront of my laptop very early this morning. It is either the strong coffee I drank before I slept or my own mind could not stop working tonight which cause all this. I don't know.

Bukan Diriku

2007-02-27T23:38:00.000+08:00

I was ready to sleep tonight as I bid good night to two of my best friends by sms. I had been smsing them the whole night due to one question that had been on my mind since I chatted with Kak Ida earlier today. I did not get the answer for the question but I had an idea how to answer it myself. Yupp... every questions need an answer and the best answer will come from yourself. I really wanna go to bed early today as I need to drive up to Genting Highlands tomorrow for a meeting. Well I took it as a holiday for me and not a meeting... Hehehehhehehehe

As I was on my way to the toilet, I realised that TV3 is showing a repeated Hari Raya show named "Antara KL & Jakarta" which features Anuar Zain, M. Nasir and Marcell. Being Anuar Zain's fan, I stop a while at the TV. He was singing this song "Bukan Diriku" by Samsons. I love it so much so I want to share it with you. Enjoy it, it is beautiful plus painful if you really know the meaning.

Bukan Diriku

Setelah kupahami aku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku ..

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila aku menjadi bisu kepada dirimu
Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas ‘tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku..

Walau ku masih mencintaimu
Ku harus meninggalkanmu
Ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Ku harus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku

Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang ramah menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku..

play song

Oh Happy Days!!

2007-02-25T20:48:00.000+08:00

There are happy days in our life and there are not so happy days.. For me today, it is the mixture of both. I was unhappy earlier because I need to drive about 200km just to send my grand father's car. It was supposed to be my lazy Sunday where I sat down and spend my lazy day reading just anything (from books to magazines to newspaper etc). It is just a regime to help me to relax a bit just to help me control my stress level. Anyhow the day gets better when I had the chance to shoot few pictures and got a news from my sister. She manage to buy a copy of a book which I had been hunting for weeks. I will paste the picture of the cover. Then I got the chance to buy anoher two books. Oh what a happy day for me (eventhough I don't know when will I get the chance to read it all heheheheeh)

The first book, 'Diver Down'. It was listed at my friends blog as a must read book (for divers). I tried to find the book for nearly a month even tried buying it online. My sister manage to buy it at The Borders - Berjaya Times Square. I need to wait another 2 weeks till I get my hands on it. She's in KL.

The best seller of non-fiction books. The world is flat is my second book today. I am trying to change my reading style, ermmm as my age changes.. I am trying to read more non-fiction book.

The last book is The Life Plan, another non-fiction book I bought today. It is about self enrichment which I need a lot now.. heheheheh okie dokie.. I'll continue writing later.. Good night

Deception Point

2007-02-20T22:22:00.000+08:00

I read this book during my Chinese New Year holidays. My third Dan Brown book after the famous 'Da Vinci Code' and 'Angels and Demons'. From what I found out, it was very different from the first two books I had read. It does not use any religion issues like the first two. I finish reading the whole book in two solid days, a record that I have not broken for quite some time. I use to read 400 to 600 pages book in one day but after started working I just don't have the privilage to do it. I usually need a week to finish reading which is a turn off heheheheheheeheh. I have one more Dan Brown's book to read, The Digital Fortress. I hope I could have in my hands soon.

While I was reading this book, I could feel like I was watching a thriller movie. It was enjoying. Just my type of book that I love to read, I am a bit particular on the authors especially on their way of writing. My favourite author was Sidney Sheldon, who passed away few weeks back. May he rest in peace.

7th February

2007-02-19T22:45:00.000+08:00

It is the date I will not forget, unless I lost my memory. The date is the date that I had remembered since 1995.

I started to get to know him in 1994. I had the chance to know him earlier (1989 or 1990) but something had happened and only in 1994 I got the chance to know him.

When I first met him, I knew he was the one. It was a bad time though. He was dating my classmate at the time. I was dating someone else. I was only 18 years old at that time. Very young and very naive. I broke up with my boyfriend and few months later he broke up with his girlfriend. I tried my best to save the relationship but failed. I did it even though I started to realise I had fell for him. I grew closer to him especially when he realised that he could easily talk to me. I am a good listener and I think it is a gift from Allah which I treasure.

He had few relationship since then but I stayed single. One day, I saw him smoking and it broke my heart because he had promise to me that he won't smoke. I confronted him and I could feel that I started to fell for him even deeper. Our friendship grew stronger and I tried my best to hide my feelings towards him.

When I could not hide it anymore, I started to lie to my friends, telling them I admire someone else. It works until he came to me and 'proposed' me to be his girlfriend. My heart said yes, but my mouth said no. I could not betray my friend (his ex-girlfriend). I was crying inside but still smiling outside.

He 'proposed' to me for the second time but again I say no. After that he got closer to another girl. A girl we disapproved but we said nothing about it. As for me, I was still a good friend to him even though his new girlfriend did not like me. Whenever he was with her, he treated me as if he did not know me. Whenever he was alone or with others, he will treat me good which a lot of my good friends disapproved. For me, I did not mind at all, having the chance to talk to him was like the best thing in my life. We remained good friends behind his girlfriend.

I love him and I believe that if he is the one, he will come back to me. I continued my life studying and bumped into few relationships. I face the ups and downs in a normal life. I graduated in 1999, the same year he married the girl. The news broke my heart but at the same time I prayed for his happiness. I tried to be a good friend by hoping the best for my friend.

I started working, hopping on jobs till I became a teacher in 2002. Now and then I receive phone calls from him but I knew his wife still hates me. I started hearing bad stories about them but I kept on saving the best prayers for them. I broke off from two serious relationships in that period of time which had built a wall around me just to protect myself not to get hurt again.

He came back to me on the 7th February 2004. The day I wish I could talk to him, to wish him Happy Birthday. I wish him Happy Birthday and he was surprised that I still remembered. I never forgot and never will forget. He was still married to the girl but the marriage is on the rock. I was still in love to him but I don't want to take the chance to ruin their marriage. I thought I was given the second chance, the second chance to be with him. For me it's a sign from Allah, the sign showing he had came back to me.

I started seeing him, until his wife knew about it and started the chaos. I knew I should not be the third party on a marriage that is already in the danger zone. They filed their divorce on the 10th October 2004. I was not the reason for the divorce but I was the factor who quickens the process. He was devastated on the divorce, I tried my best to help him, as always, I want the best for him. I could just do anything for him.

The relationship went well. I was on cloud nine. I was with the one I love for 10 years. I could not ask better than all this. I started to get to know his family, in love to the whole family where they accepted me very well. Everything turns out good until we started to have our small fights. I thought it was normal till our telephone conversation on the 19 August 2005. After that, he never called, only text messages going back and forth.

I started missing him, missing him so much until I started buying a set of cross stitch for his birthday on the 7th February 2006. I failed to finish it on time so I bought something else for his birthday. I noticed that I started doing the cross stitch whenever I miss him and I had stopped doing it in mid 2006. I don't miss him anymore?

I tried to reflect back on what had happened to me. I was sad for sure but I tried to look it from another angle. When he first came back to me, I thought he was for me but now I think Allah had given me the chance to get to know him better from a different perspective. Which is an eye opening to me. I am glad that I had that chance. If not, I will still spare a part of my heart to him, which no one could ever replace it. Now, the space is vacant.

This year, I did not even wish him happy birthday. The 7th February is just another day in my life. I had enough from all this and surely I don't want to go through it again. He is not the one for me, I might have to go out to find the 'one' but I am taking a break. Mending a broken heart is not an easy task.

I had loved him for 12 years, I had shared the best moments with him. I had gone through the worst of it. I am glad I could have a taste of it. No regrets at all. I hope he will find his true love and be happy again.

My First

2007-02-18T05:40:00.000+08:00

I had started blogging since end of 2005 here. A bit late to be compared to others. It had helped me a lot during my bad moments and had been a medium for my friends to get 'in-touch' to me. I was quite tired after driving to KL and back to Kuantan in just 27 hours, stuck in the New Year traffic most of the time. I slept very early last night and woke up around two a.m. Spending my night setting up this new blog and now I could hear the Al-Quran recital from the nearby 'Surau'. Subuh is just in few minutes time.

Frankly I was a bit stressed out these few days due to work load. It hit me bad this time so I am going to enjoy this Chinese New Year break to cool down a bit. I am going to spend it with my baby.. my D200. It has been inside the bag for quite sometime now. Hit the story books which I just don't have the time to read it before :-)

My World

My second pregnancy..

Therapeutic..

So many things.. So little time...

Tachycardia

[edit]Differential diagnosis

[edit]Sinus tachycardia

[edit]Ventricular tachycardia

[edit]Supraventricular tachycardia

[edit]Atrial fibrillation

[edit]AV nodal reentrant tachycardia (AVNRT)

[edit]AV reentrant tachycardia

[edit]Junctional tachycardia

[edit]Hemodynamic responses

[edit]Autonomic and endocrine

[edit]Management

Kecewa..

Rania - 10 months...

Dosa sebarkan fitnah

My little one..

My Bali Trip - Part 3

My Bali Trip - Part 2

My Bali Trip - Part 1

empty...

new year??

SICK!!

I am almost done!! -part three

I am almost done!! -part two

The road taken...

I am almost done!!

I DO...

My MC Fest

To Whom It May Concern - Tinggalkan Aku

Srikandi Gala Dinner 2008

May 2008

Acute Gastritis

My Engagement Day...

Me....

I am 32 and enjoying it!!

Lily 09/01/1976

Tagged

Lalalalalalala...

Happy New Year??

I am back!!!

I have been tagged

My New Life #2 - I'm the lucky one

My New Life #1

Huh!!

The Thousand Kilometre Journey

Announcement And Updates

Angel

Love is Cinta

"The Moment"

From Heaven Returning To Earth

Losing my sanity

Wet Dreams...

Eusoffe is two!

6, 7 & 8 July 2007

Mahu Tapi Malu - Dina

Is it wrong??

MIDE here I come...

Kasih Tercipta

Tears fall in my heart by Paul Verlain

English... Anyone?

Cooking again

Closing my eyes...

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Fools Rush In - The Sign

My Gurlz Rocks-Night of the soulful princess

Tokoh Guru (Kepimpinan) Daerah Rompin 2007

It was a beautiful dream

Another Job Done

My Birthdate...

Adik Mi's Wedding - Perlis June 2007

My Padang-Bukit Tinggi Part 1

I'm Back...

My Boy

Now I Know...

The New Look

The May Babies Birthday

Lily
09/01/1976

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