new year??

I had been planning of writing since after the trip to Bali. There was so many thing to share.. One day I will write about it.. Maybe these few days.. Planned to write as soon as we arrived home.. But my morning sickness had made my desire on writing it fade away..

Morning sickness?? yes... Just after Hari Raya Aidil Adha I took a pregnancy test and it was positive... It was confirmed when I went to Hospital Ampang for my appointment.. The morning sickness was quite ok... I had it mostly on the evening, tiring but I had gone through it with good supports from my hubby and family..

On the 31st December 2008, I went to visit my gynea at Kuantan Specialist Hospital and the baby was growing in a good shape... So I went back to IPBA happily for my pre-internship course..

The course was ok but the idea of being there was sickening... I prayed all the time that it will end as soon as possible.. Then it comes when we were to be sent to our new school.. The 10 of us was divided by 2 groups, 5 in the SBP group and the other 5 in the daily school group.. As us in the SBP group was given the choice to pick our own school.. There are 6 schools listed and I choose SSP..

I commute for the first week to school.. It was tiring and it was the first time I had a spotting which I ignored it due to its amount. I applied for the school's quarters for teacher and this b*&%$ (who stayed previously) had taken her own sweet time to move few small things from the house..

I was due for another appointment at Hospital Ampang on the 19th but feeling uneasy of leaving school on my second week of work made me did not go. I moved in to my new house that day where there was another spotting that day.. The next day the b*&%# came and see me and harassed me because I moved in to early.. At that point I was to tired to argue, my body was adapting to the new condition and the commuting had burn me off. I told her about my spotting and as a woman I expected she will understand. But what I get from her was "itu cerita lain, yang penting Lily dah ceroboh rumah saya"... hello... that is not your house!! You should have cleared everything before the school starts!! I was a bit depressed on the day but told no one.

The eagerly Chinese New Year holidays finally arrived. I went back to Kuantan on monday where another spotting with fresh blood had occurred. This was the first time I had fresh blood spotting and without any delay I went to visit a doctor the next day. The result was shocking.. my baby had not develop and the sac was not with the shape it should be. I tried not to accept the news but I was in tears when I told my hubby about it. I decided to visit my regular gynea for further examination the next day and planned to go to do my d&c at Hospital Putrajaya.

My gynea had confirmed the news. My baby had not develop since the 9th week, the week when I was at IPBA. So she had given me two choices, let it came out normally or d&c, but the d&c procedure must be done that day or the next day. Worrying that Hospital Putrajaya could not do it in such short time, I did it in Kuantan. Simple procedure where I was out for 40 minutes, I was in no pain but I was in tears when the stretcher came out from the operation theater. I just felt empty.