My Bali Trip - Part 1

It has been quite some time from the real thing but as I had explained from the previous blog, I think you guys will understand. The Bali trip was planned long before we got married, we purchased the tickets after our engagement, back in February 2008. After discussing, Abang and I would like to make this trip a "dry" trip. No diving, just spending time discovering Bali in 6 nights with just IDR5million (yeay... we are millionaires... hehehhe it was about RM1500) spending money. Mummy had send us to the airport and we took the three hours flight to Bali. Huh.. it was a bit stress out spending that three hours in the flight but nevertheless we arrived safely at Denpasar Airport. The airport was impressive as a lot international flights came in.

(1)Crocodile hunter queuing... (2)While waiting to depart... (3)Taxing to runaway 32 Right...


On Malaysia's and Indonesia's airspace

We took a taxi IDR50,000 (RM15) to Poppies Lane 1, heading to Ayu Beach Inn, hoping there is a room for us as I did not book any room ahead. Just wanted being free and easy this time. Heheheheh.. Luckily there are rooms available and we paid around IDR150,000 (RM45) per night for a room with a queen size four poster bed and a single bed. We paid for two nights. After putting our stuff in the room, we headed to Kuta beach which is only 5 minutes walk from the hotel. There are all types of people around there, it was cool. Being very hungry, we walked around to find Arby's, a fast food being recommended by REZA AZIZ (King's Studio) which should be just around the corner but after walking nearly 45 minutes we gave up. We went to McDonald's, the one situated besides Matahari, not the one nearby the beach. We bought 2 large set with an extra burger and it cost us less than RM30. The chili sauce was a turn off for us, it was a bit different from the ones in Malaysia. After enjoying our meal, we headed back to the inn and on the way back we bought an adapter, to be used recharging the batteries for the cameras. Both of us too, got to bed early recharging ourself for the next day trip.

(1)My burger... (2)Saos sambal... no.. no... (3)My Hubby's... Big Mac...

empty...

Just came back from a walk with hubby. Trying to kill the time. I am still on MC until Tuesday. Had already excepted the fact that the baby is not with me anymore. But my body still acting like I am still pregnant, feeling nausea, the metallic taste in my mouth, very sensitive to smell and my breast had started lactating. I hope it will go off soon as I could not take this anymore.

I am getting healthier and I hope I can recover as soon as possible. I am glad hubby is always there for me. All the way through. It was not easy, experiencing this moment but I am glad that I had the chance to feel it. At least I could understand the feeling that other women had experienced.

To my hubby, thanks again. I love you. Even though I felt empty, you filled me up.

new year??

I had been planning of writing since after the trip to Bali. There was so many thing to share.. One day I will write about it.. Maybe these few days.. Planned to write as soon as we arrived home.. But my morning sickness had made my desire on writing it fade away..

Morning sickness?? yes... Just after Hari Raya Aidil Adha I took a pregnancy test and it was positive... It was confirmed when I went to Hospital Ampang for my appointment.. The morning sickness was quite ok... I had it mostly on the evening, tiring but I had gone through it with good supports from my hubby and family..

On the 31st December 2008, I went to visit my gynea at Kuantan Specialist Hospital and the baby was growing in a good shape... So I went back to IPBA happily for my pre-internship course..

The course was ok but the idea of being there was sickening... I prayed all the time that it will end as soon as possible.. Then it comes when we were to be sent to our new school.. The 10 of us was divided by 2 groups, 5 in the SBP group and the other 5 in the daily school group.. As us in the SBP group was given the choice to pick our own school.. There are 6 schools listed and I choose SSP..

I commute for the first week to school.. It was tiring and it was the first time I had a spotting which I ignored it due to its amount. I applied for the school's quarters for teacher and this b*&%$ (who stayed previously) had taken her own sweet time to move few small things from the house..

I was due for another appointment at Hospital Ampang on the 19th but feeling uneasy of leaving school on my second week of work made me did not go. I moved in to my new house that day where there was another spotting that day.. The next day the b*&%# came and see me and harassed me because I moved in to early.. At that point I was to tired to argue, my body was adapting to the new condition and the commuting had burn me off. I told her about my spotting and as a woman I expected she will understand. But what I get from her was "itu cerita lain, yang penting Lily dah ceroboh rumah saya"... hello... that is not your house!! You should have cleared everything before the school starts!! I was a bit depressed on the day but told no one.

The eagerly Chinese New Year holidays finally arrived. I went back to Kuantan on monday where another spotting with fresh blood had occurred. This was the first time I had fresh blood spotting and without any delay I went to visit a doctor the next day. The result was shocking.. my baby had not develop and the sac was not with the shape it should be. I tried not to accept the news but I was in tears when I told my hubby about it. I decided to visit my regular gynea for further examination the next day and planned to go to do my d&c at Hospital Putrajaya.

My gynea had confirmed the news. My baby had not develop since the 9th week, the week when I was at IPBA. So she had given me two choices, let it came out normally or d&c, but the d&c procedure must be done that day or the next day. Worrying that Hospital Putrajaya could not do it in such short time, I did it in Kuantan. Simple procedure where I was out for 40 minutes, I was in no pain but I was in tears when the stretcher came out from the operation theater. I just felt empty.

SICK!!

I know everyone hates of being sick.. I was quite sick earlier this year and I am quite sick now.. Every time I fell sick I really appreciated the times I was healthy.. Being able to do anything, to eat everything and so on..

When I am sick, I felt very hopeless on not being able to do things I usually do. I am the independent type of person, I don't mind going places alone and I don't even mind eating alone in public places. Even though I am married I am still very independent.

Talking about the topic of being sick, I have to good friends who are very sick now. One with multiple sclerosis (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: Multiple sclerosis (abbreviated MS, also known as disseminated sclerosis or encephalomyelitis disseminata) is an autoimmune condition in which the immune system attacks the central nervous system, leading to demyelination. Disease onset usually occurs in young adults, and it is more common in women.) and the other one is with meningitis (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: Meningitis is a medical condition caused by inflammation of the protective membranes covering the brain and spinal cord, known collectively as the meninges. The inflammation is usually caused by infection with viruses, bacteria, or other microorganisms but may also arise due to certain drugs, or other diseases. Meningitis is potentially life threatening due to the inflammation's proximity to the brain and spinal cord; it is therefore a medical emergency.) The one with meningitis is in coma now. Thinking of both of them I am glad that I still far healthier even though I am quite sick now.

All these years I have learn that we must live our life to the fullest in all means just for things like this. Live life to the fullest but not the ones that you will regret later. Ok.. I need my rest now. Hopefully I will recover soon.

I am almost done!! -part three

My body is aching... I really need a good night sleep... I nearly fell last night when I was at Kelana Jaya sending off Pak Chu... These assignments are killing me... I need my sleep..

I am almost done!! -part two

This is my 6 and half years of teaching experience. As other teachers in Malaysia, the long awaited long school holidays are just around the conner. I had actually the whole year studying J language, so I had actually missed the school for the year. No more marking exam papers, marking books, doing tonnes of clerical jobs which had been a big burden for teachers in Malaysia lately. The most important of all, no more school politics which I really hate so much. But this will change, next year I am going to be relocated to a new school and I hope I will start fresh.

In August 2007, I had went for the interview for this course. On the interview, Miss A had said to me and to most of the course participant that we will be a better teacher after the course if not a good J language teacher and as we are at the end of the course Miss A's words had came true.

The one year course was very tedious, and for me personally the course had been very upsetting. The time spent had should be concentrating on us being a good J language teacher as for the language itself but the times had actually spent on doing things that were a bit inappropriate for me. Further more we had been through an emotional session which had been very upsetting for me and my classmates. Besides the normal school politics scenario it has been a bigger heart breaking scene. We had actually became a better teacher by promising not being like our teachers.

I had been in schools that the principal sucks and had made the students suffer but the one I experience was worst as so called 'professionals' did not actually act like one. Be gone with your doctorates or masters.. you guys suck!! Big time!!

These are my pledge on being a better teacher after I finished the course:

1. I won't be like Miss A. I won't:
a. Talk bad about my boss to my students.
b. Cry in front of my students telling my personal problems.
c. Cry in front of my students in what ever situation. I should be emotionally professional...
d. Ask my students to give feedbacks on my teaching and later not accepting it.
e. Burn my midnight oil and boasting to others about it.
f. Stab my colleague at the back by telling my students my colleague hates them.
g. Put high expectation on my students and denying it later.
h. Joins my students for a meal and later says it out loud regretting it because it is a waste of
time.
i. Ask my students to do reflections but me myself never reflects what happens in my life.
That's why Miss A there are so many people hates you.
j. Boasting on things I had done to my students and ask for recognition for it.
k. Tell bad things about my personal life for sympathy.
l. Think that I am the best.
m. Dress up just only because I feel insecure.
n. Scold my students in front of outsiders.
o. Scold my guess speaker in front of my students.

2. I won't be like Dr Z. I won't
a. Feel that "I am the boss so lick my ass people"
b. Ask from my staff to make a birthday party for me.
c. Ask my students their problems and later denying every of it.
d. Scold my students blindly and not knowing there's someone important kid inside the
class.
e. Prefer ass licking staff rather than others.

Well the main reason I am writing this is to remind myself later on not being like them.. I had a longer list actually... I will update it time by time.. I am counting my days leaving this hell..

The road taken...

I am lost right now.. I don't know either I should feel it this way... But I am damn lost.. In a room full of people I felt alone.. Smiling faces, friendly voices but yet I am still lost... This is not my world.. I don't belong here but this is the road taken... The road I have chosen.. I am not looking back... I am just searching deeper... I hope I can find what I am looking for but again this is not my world... I don't belong here...